Pixel X ™ Teasers

Urizenus Sklar and The Alphaville Herald Capitalize on Penn State's Victims

2011-11-15T12:56:00.003-05:00

WTF Jumpy Yappin Bout! How Uri, the moral coward is yukkin it up bout how his scion chicken hearted acts constitute heroism while cashin in on the topical tragedy at Penn State! For shame URI!

2010-04-21T07:31:00.001-04:00

New Cover Preview: Slut Mag keeps a foot Square in Stroker Serpentine's Ass!

2010-04-20T11:49:00.003-04:00

Jumpy's Ex is back! Sassypants Writer returns to Slut Magazine!

We keep a foot dead in Stroker Serpentine's ASS with

"The Softer Side of Stroker Serpentine"

Ol Stroke's been crying like a cold bitch
all across the whole wide web.

and much more! Check out the new cover, and hold your breathe!
It's gonna be a hot summer!

you know where to go!

Home of Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine ©

2010-04-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

DUKE WINS THE NCAA'S YUS!

Jumpman Lane Banned on SL Uni Forums

2010-04-09T14:04:00.003-04:00

In a cowardly move to protect his fellow Class of 2003 butt buddy Stroker Serpentine, Cristiano Midnight bans Jumpman Lane form the Second Life Universe froums. DEETS? Yus! We got the deets! You know where to look. Slut Mag Inc

Slut Mag Inc Officer Permabanned, Casualty of War with Stroker

2010-04-04T11:17:00.002-04:00

The Latest issue of Slut Magazine is out and we dedicate it to former Avastar reporter and Slut Mag Inc Chief Information Officer Veronica2vixen Devoix. She was tricked into getting banned by Linden Lab Stroker Serpentine flunky Cheergirl Allen. WE WILL GET REVENGE! It starts with this issue. Check it out

Slut Mag Vol 4 I3

Stroker Serpentine admits rl wife recovering addict so we retract the following

2010-03-17T17:43:00.001-04:00

we ready for the lawsuit, bitch! do al u
can do! that dirty kneed wife of urs still
look like this crack head i know named
wanda sue hehehe
10:15 PM Feb 25th via web

Tweeples i think Stroker Serpentine's
rl wife's lips burnt up black from smokin
that shit! god damn crack monster!
10:00 PM Feb 17th via web

I thought that blasephemous crack
bitch was stroker's mama in that
movie not his rock moster ass wife!
10:00 PM Feb 17th via web

We retact these statments here:
(well here is a preview of the article where we will retact them)
http://www.slutmaginc.com/

strokers admission found here
http://www.secondcitizen.net/Forum/showthread.php?t=5169&page=3

Slut Mag doesnt cave to Stroker's Threats and other stuff coming in the next ish!

2010-03-16T21:21:00.003-04:00

New Cover preview

Slut of the Year 2009
Priscila Balogh is crowned

We still have unfinsihed business with one
Stroker Serpentine. We go into details why
we aint retracting shit!

Lektor Hannibal earns a golden turd for begging
Jump Lane to return to the Second Citizen forums.

And Much much more. Se what's coming on April Fools day
Volume 4 issue 3

http://www.slutmaginc.com

Stroker Serpentine demands a public retraction in prelude of suing Jumpman Lane

2010-03-12T14:37:00.003-05:00

Stroker Serpentine sent us these
epistles today and posted them in
the Aplhaville Herald:

http://alphavilleherald.com/2009/09/strokerz-toyzeros-llc-takes-linden-lab-to-court.html

-- Instant message logging enabled --
[10:15] Stroker Serpentine:
(Saved Fri Mar 12 06:27:50 2010)
To Jumpman Lane/ Martin Bane / et al,

You are hereby requested to make
public your retraction of libelous
defamation against Stroker
Serpentine, Kevin Alderman and Eros,
LLC. You are also requested to remove
and/or retract all libelous and
defamatory statements, threats and
slanderous activities, postings and
communications from all pertinent venues
using the pseudonym “Jumpman Lane”
and or “Martin Bane”.

Let this serve as your public notification
in a forum that you frequent. A good
faith effort to retract your documented
harrassment, libel, defamation,
cyberstalking and duress may preclude
any further civil action.

Thank you in advance.
Kevin Alderman/ aka/
Stroker Serpentine.

OUR RESPONSE

see it here

http://www.slutmaginc.com

Is Stroker Serpentine Urging YOU to Create Child Porn?

2010-03-11T18:11:00.002-05:00

Is Stroker Serpentine inciting outhers to break internet laws
and violate Linden Lab's Terms of Service by urging them
to create child pornography? Well IF his Hump Boy Lame
sex toy IS an age play device, then the answer is yes.

This is what we explore in a very special Extra edition of
Slut Magazine. You know where to go to get the goods:
http://www.slutmaginc.com

What Spurred the Eros Kiddie Porn Scandal?

2010-02-17T15:16:00.000-05:00

Cyber sex, betrayal, malice, and spite. All had a hand in the over-the-top response by Eros LLC frontman Stroker Serpentine. ALL the shocking deets in this month's issue of Slut Magazine.

OUT NOW! YUP! TODAY!

Bimbo Cheerleader Chyna Jinx sells out Stroker. Full chat logs inside!

http://www.slutmaginc.com

Stroker Serpentine Creates Age-Play Sex Toy in Defiance of Linden Lab

2010-02-16T20:00:00.003-05:00

The Eros Kiddie Porn Scandal. Stroker Serpentine creates an age play sex toy in an attempt to defame Jumpman Lane. All the deets here!
http://www.slutmaginc.com

2010-02-05T09:48:00.002-05:00

Those pesky Lindens ain't the only ones entering the social
networking fray. Too long have them do gooder hippies tried
to hide the very best things in Second Life(R): sex and ultra-violence.
Well we bringin it back to the forefront. If ya Like minded, join us.
We can't have ya all at Slut Mag Plaza, and we damn sure dont want ya all
on Slut Mag Isle alls at once. But we do wanna socialize with ya!
So , join our us! We're a violent street gang! Full deets on our site
http://www.slutmaginc.com

Slut Mag's Breakin and Enterin @ PSquared

2010-02-02T21:20:00.002-05:00

Jumpy and the gang pull off a B&E caper, sneaking into Second Life(R) founder Philip Linden's
psquared dump to shoot this months cover! Hope Ol' Dirt Face Phil dont mind!
Check out the cover and see the deets on the articles we got comin this month!
"Stroker on the Run"
"The Brazilian Invasion"
"Cheergirl's Folly"

you know where to go
http://www.slutmaginc.com

2010-01-16T09:04:00.002-05:00

The Slut of the Year 2009 will have certain duties in the Twenty Ten.
She will be The Face of Slut Mag™'s charitible endeavors this year.
So, we will also be "crowning" a first runner up and a second runner up just in case we need a stand in for some event etc etc.

The Slut of the Year contest ends 1 Feb 2010

The Slut of the Year will win the following:
* 10,000L$
* a motorcycle
* a car

The first runner up will win
*7500
* a motocycle

The second runner up
*5000

There is still time to vote.
http://www.slutmaginc.com

poll is in the corner

Mash Mandela! Stroker's latest victim revealed!

2010-01-13T23:00:00.004-05:00

Hip deep in the twenty ten! Volume Four Issue One is done!

Cover girl: Tiffany Neox takes center stage.

Slut Mag launches The Effigies campaign. Second Life residents
show their support for Linden Lab by standing beside a smoking
effigy of Stroker Serpentine.

Mash Mandela! Stroker's latest victim revealed!

Phooka Oh, notorious griefer permanetly banned thanx to Slut Mag!

and much more!

check it out at our site

http://www.slutmaginc.com

Who Should Win Slut of the Year?

2009-12-26T20:33:00.003-05:00

Heck if we know! Here is the tally so far!

Priscila Balogh 432 50.4%
Lorelei Lockjaw 128 14.9%
Tara Porterfield 126 14.7%
Jennnna Jameson 86 10%
Tiffany Neox 49 5.7%
patricia Wonder 12 1.4%
Candace Flossberg 11 1.3%
Lia Johin 7 0.8%
Charlotte Lavecchia 4 0.5%
Veronica2vixen Devoix 1 0.1%
Cally Janus 1 0.1%
Crystal Mizser 0 0%

Number of Voters : 857
First Vote : Saturday, 28 November 2009 06:25
Last Vote : Saturday, 26 December 2009 20:38

The poll ends 1 Feb in the Twenty Ten!
dont give up.
vote daily for ur fav
or Priscila will win the 10kL$
and all the prizes!

u know where to vote
http://www.slutmaginc.com

Vol 4 cover preview...heheheh the STORIES comin this ish will bump ya upside the head!

2009-12-22T09:35:00.006-05:00

Volume 4! The Twenty Ten is here in this new cover preview.

Cover girl: Tiffy Neox commands the Slut Mag Stage

Articles: Somebody might have to testify! WHO? (We personally think its a lie).
A certain companies corporate model will be explored!
And MUCH more.

u know where to go

slutmaginc.com

Stroker Strikes Back!

2009-12-11T22:24:00.002-05:00

Volume Three Issue 7
Late But Done!

We snuck into Stroker Serpentine's Newly opened sim before anybody else!
We yapped with the MAKER of SexGen(R) sex beds Briggi Bard!

Tara Porterfield warmed up the Artic floes!
We givin ya all the deets on the 2009 Slut of the Year
and much more!
you know where to go

2009-10-31T14:01:00.003-04:00

The new issue is done! Crystal Mizser on the cover! Volume 3 Issue 6
Oct/Nov double issue

Catch up on the latest inside dope on the Eros vs Linden Lab case!
The Redgrave Skin and more. We went deep undercover to get you this stuff!
And Much Much more!
http://www.slutmaginc.com

2009-10-24T09:50:00.000-04:00

Volume 3 Issue 6 has been delayed a week or so due to an editorial debate over whether or not to reveal the identity of Ball Jigglar (our Deep Throat), the person who leaked to Slut Mag info concerning the means and methodologies used by the content theft ring we smashed earlier in the year (remember the Redgrave Skin Scandal).
The debate centered around this issue: What exactly would be served by such a revelation? The answer to that rhetorical is simple. It provides one with an inside glimpse of the corporate culture of one Eros LLC.
Want to see more. Follow this link to a preview of an article we wrote calles The Face of Fraud: Inside the Corporate Culture of Eros LLC.

http://www.slutmaginc.com

2009-09-21T22:49:00.002-04:00

October 2009 Cover Done
Volume 3 Issue 6
Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine ©
Covergirl: Crystal Mizser
Check out the new cover and get a sneakpeek of the stories coming next month

http://www.slutmaginc.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=54&Itemid=66

Why Stroker is Wrong!

2009-09-17T22:15:00.001-04:00

In Eros' war with Linden Lab we side with the lindens. Here's why
http://slutmaginc.com/slutmagworld/?p=17

2009-09-16T18:16:00.001-04:00

hehehe well we go a snap of ol' Governor Linden LMAO
http://www.slutmaginc.com

2009-09-14T18:28:00.003-04:00

wanna pose, fgot a story idea post ur pix let us see ya and/or pitch ur freelance story or pictorial ideas to us at our forum, we are always looking for new talent
http://slutmaginc.com/slutmagforums/

2009-09-12T23:55:00.001-04:00

The new issue is done!
we moved to a flash format
urgonna loveit!
http://www.slutmaginc.com
hehehe, u might be in it!

2009-08-04T17:32:00.002-04:00

Who is reading Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine © at Linden Lab? hehehehehe I unno: but, somebody is ! hehehehehehe. click the lil dot that appears to be the Californian city of San Fran on the map at this link! I feel like i'm being WATCHED! lucky I got my larry Flint Tee shirt on!
http://www.sitemeter.com/?a=stats&s=sm3slutmag1&r=79&d=84&md=1&v=100&pg=2

2009-07-26T21:29:00.002-04:00

cover girl
Priscila Balogh
check out the august 2009 cover
and see the hard hittin stories we gonna bring ya
http://www.slutmaginc.com/

2009-07-24T00:37:00.002-04:00

new add im in lmao for house slut
http://www.slutmaginc.com/houseslut.htm

2009-07-21T22:00:00.001-04:00

ok we made a R.I.P. tee at house slut.
tasteful or no?
check it out at our house slut page
http://www.slutmaginc.com/houseslut.htm

2009-07-14T22:52:00.002-04:00

Our forums broke 1000 registerd users!
YAY
"We have 1000 registered users
The newest registered user is Reetcluse "
http://www.slutmaginc.com/slutmagfor.htm

2009-07-13T18:06:00.002-04:00

Slut Mag Traces Notorious Griefer to the Kiddie Grid
(of all places!)
Who is this turdbucket?
It's all in the lates ish of
Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine
http://www.slutmaginc.com/

2009-06-26T02:20:00.003-04:00

sTYLE... sTYLE tO bURN!

jUMPMAN lANE'S sLUT mAGAZINE!

PORN FOR YA A$$E$!

HTTP://WWW.SLUTMAGINC.COM

2009-06-23T20:38:00.002-04:00

Jennnnna Jameson cover done
volume 3 issue 4
Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine
July 2009
check out the cover http://www.slutmaginc.com/

2009-06-13T13:32:00.002-04:00

The Redgrave Skin Scandal!

"Slut Magazine Smashes Celebrity Content Theft Ring: Mountainmeister's Chelsea Malibu Caught with her Hand In Emilia Redgrave's Cookie Jar" in this month's issue of Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine! http:// www.slutmaginc.com

2009-05-18T22:48:00.005-04:00

who is wee. SLCAMZ, Strokertoyz, and Slut Mag Inc!
SLCAMZ is havin a xxx machina contest here r the deets!

A six week event that will change the face of anime amature porn as we know it!
1 winner will receive 55,000L$ PLUS a 10,000L$ Shopping spree courtesy of Strokerz Toyz!~ and a chance to be part of the SLCamz content creation team!6 winners will receive 5000L$ eachSlut Mag Tv will show all the videosEveryone who enters receives a free Strokerz Toyz gift bag! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------First of all, if you're new to SL or just simply have no idea what Machinima is, let me give you SecondLife's definition:
The art of making real movies in virtual worlds. Movies made in Second Life use the world's building, scripting, and avatar customization tools, working in real-time. You can use Second Life as your own virtual back lot, soundstage, choreography studio, costume and prop repository, and special effects house.
To see an example of a amature SL video check out the latest from the Bimbo Cheerleaders!http://www.slcamz.com/bimbo/ <<<<<<<<<<<< Copy and paste into IE or any web browser out of SL.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what do you need to do to win the money?Make a SecondLife amature XXX video, 5-10 minutes long.
How do you enter? Contact Alfa Winger in SecondLife to get your own login and password to upload your video.
How is the money won? The contest is 6 weeks long! Officially starting May 30th. All videos will be posted on www.SLCamz.com along with direct streams into SL at SexCam Island. Individuals can watch and vote for the videos on the web and in SecondLife at SexCam.
The individual with the highest vote after 2 weeks will win 5000L$ and will be placed into our "Final Round" to have a chance at 25,000L$*** As an added bonus we will choose one winner every 2 weeks (5000L$) for the best use of a Strokerz Toyz SexGen bed or object in a video ***http://slurl.com/secondlife/Eros/189/195/23After 6 weeks & a total of 6 finalist, we will have one final week of voting to determine our 25,000L$ winner!
So if you're interested in makin some real L$ or you just think you're the shit at machinima, contact Alfa Winger and enter yourself into the SLCamz Machinima Challenge today!http://slurl.com/secondlife/SexCam/163/143/28

2009-05-18T01:10:00.000-04:00

The new cover is done vol3 ish3
Veronica2Vixen Devoix onna cover!
check it out at http://www.slutmaginc.com/
shot in world at slcamz isle http://slurl.com/secondlife/SexCam/172/130/31

2009-05-06T18:38:00.002-04:00

vol 3 ish one is done
see the new ish at http://www.slutmaginc.com/

2009-04-29T18:07:00.002-04:00

hehehehe
I was burned in effigy! read alla bout it in The Second Life Heradl r w/e the f@ck they callin it now!

http://foo.secondlifeherald.com/slh/2009/04/mob-attacks-second-life-vice.html

2009-04-23T22:03:00.001-04:00

My editrix Ms. Can Flo has been bloggin her lil heart out!
http://ishtblogsforbreakfast.blogspot.com/?zx=382e55ebd24d80de

this stuff is just in sight ful! when you see the inner workings of the mind ouf our lil candy flo! priceless!

latest cover Done

2009-04-16T19:42:00.003-04:00

Latest cover done. volume 3 issue 2

Mas Can Flo our editrix Candace Flossberg on the cover! You gotta know who she IS! so we r gonna show ya!

chexk it out http://www.slutmaginc.com

2009-04-13T16:10:00.003-04:00

We've set up The Slut Mag Forums! To keep the Slut Mag Faithful in the know! You wanna be in our magazine, this is the place to post your pix! Wanna freelance (pix or writings!) Here is where you apply! Keep in the know all things Slut Mag Empire, Jumpy Lane, and the Slut Mag Fam here! "I told ya'll Slut Mag I-N-C aint a compmany! it's a movement!"-J.L.

Check it out at http://www.slutmaginc.com

Cover Collection

2009-04-13T10:15:00.003-04:00

We've slapped to gether a collection of our covers. These arose from our decision years ago to move from blog-style posting to pdf. The look of The Avastar was our chief reason of moving to this display format. (Noting their demise when they moved away from it, pdf is a form we intend to continue to use).

You can see this collection on scribd at

http://www.scribd.com/doc/14187386/Slut-Mag-Covers/

you can see our current issue at

http://www.slutmaginc.com/

my declaration of principles

2009-04-08T22:54:00.001-04:00

My Declaration Of Principles

I.

I will provide the people of this grid with a monthly magazine that
will present sex and sexuality and all the beauty of our virtual world
in all clarity, in all simplicity, entertainingly, without a single
concession to any special interest ANYWHERE.

II.

I will also provide them with a fighting and tireless champion of
their rights as residents and
avatars.

2009-04-06T20:56:00.001-04:00

we have added a hi-def download page so peeps can download our ish in a zipped file and see it at its best or have a copy as a keep sake
http://www.slutmaginc.com/
is where its at

New is done

2009-04-01T22:36:00.001-04:00

Volume Three Issue 1 done! check it out!

http://www.slutmaginc.com

you might be in it LMAO

2009-03-02T10:06:00.002-05:00

Jumpman Lane's Slut Magazine presents:
The Strip Off Invitational: Ho Show F'sho

What is it?:Simply put a stripper contest

20,000 L$ in prizes
1st place 10,000L$
2nd place 5,000 L$
3rd place 3000L$
honorable mention 2000L$

Date:Friday March 20

Time:
afternoon slt definite time tba with location announcement

Local:
TBA, several locales associated with the sim host being scouted

Sim Host:Thinkerer Melville

Celebrity Judges:Pixeleen Mistral, Editrix of the Alphaville Herald
IntLibber Brautigan, SL Businessman
Tizzy Teardrop, of Woodbury Univeristy
Hard Rust, of Hard Alley
Imnotgoing Sideways, doyenne of the Second Life Forums
Cheergirl Allen, head of the Bimbo Cheerleaders
Saveme Oh, of artistic and machina fame
DjQuad Radio, head of Roadkill Tees
Kimber Martinek, CIO Slut Mag Inc, representing Slut Magazineand
Gems Jewell, Jumpy's mama
PROKOFY NEVA DECLINED

Special Guest:Zara Linden
=============================================================

Criteria:
open to those who have been FEMALE exotic dancers in Second Life
contestants will be judged in four categories

1. STYLE: including such things as beauty, shape, hair, costume etc

2. GRACE: walk, dancing, standing etc

3. ELOCUTION: simply emotiong during the various phazes of disrobe

4. INTEREST: overall was the contestant INTERESTING

please keep your eyes on our site
http://www.slutmaginc.com for the very latest in announcments, developments etc about The Strip Off

2009-02-27T16:27:00.002-05:00

The new cover is done! The new issue MIGHT be done on march fifth! we r workin like buseh lil bees on it. keep ya eyes wide peeled. Lurk over to the new site to see it lmao.

http://www.slutmaginc.com

If I Ever Disappear I Swear I'm Gonna Come Back!

2009-01-27T21:16:00.004-05:00

They ban meh boot me MFIN mute me but i keep comin on strong. YET AGAIN I RETURN TO THE GRID TO RESURRECT MY MAGAZINE! here i am in the HERALD again settin the record and the tards straight! cya atthe top caws that's where i'm is :P http://foo.secondlifeherald.com/slh/2009/01/the-return-of-jumpman-lane.html#more

2008-04-16T22:46:00.003-04:00

PERMA-BANNED!
They think Jumpman Lane is TWELVE!
("Mostly the SL BF's of hookers i done banged", quothe the god damn Jumpman!)
But everything is gonna be all right! he's comin' back! Like he said he would!
"Soon as I trot off to Kinkos!"-J Lane.
The main ish here is that ANYBODY can get you wiped offa the grid by SAYING you are underage with NO proof provided. I dont know about u fackin furriners, but I AM AN AMERICAN, and this Napoleanic BS really greats. I WAS gonna send them the info with
a letter written on toilet paper (took two hours to write) but the telemarketer i called to get a name to adress it to said I had to follow the instructions exactly. Who has a scanner these days, caera phone and webcam pix suck, I havent SEEN a fax machine since 1999. So I gotta go to kinkos

Young Bane Martinek, Jumpy's friend, Jumpy's stand in, Jumpy's alt.
Got banned too. Along with BreathCutta Flow JUMP'S rl neph-his rap name cause when he breathes he cuts a flow. NOT JUMP!) whom i introed to the wonderful world of griefin (1 day ban turned to permabanned cause they think JUMP and TWELVE!-IPban! IP BAN!).
BreatheCutta was sicced on one Roxana Fouquet-alt-o-Lady Dawson (we think)
cause the slot got pissy when Jump REFUSED to tip the hooker at some strip dump after givin her aprox 15,000 L$ for nothin' but lookin tardy (and sexy). Well Jump rezzed Marios (7day ban!)

And today BreatheCutta rezzed crowd-controllers (giant invisibleballs) all over that tard roxana Fouquet's dump (that dumb batch left her land's auto return on ZERO-ENTRAPMENT!-ENTRPAMENT!) Her Bf Penn Turdler ran around like a lil noob turd that he is and had some furriner, a griefer woman fight for him. (She used some old omicron hud that is DATED. couldnt orbit ol BreatheCutta who just kept on rezzin balls which cause the turds not to be able to move due to gravity and accupyin space.

Well the g-team forced logged Breathe out! then each and every one of Jump's-then-logged-on alts (Bane, Spook Tomorrow, et al) Who each got warnings for JUST LOGGIN ON!

The upshot of all of this is that JUMPMAN LANE IS NOT A MINOR!
AND any tard who tells LL that YOU are a minor forces YOU to tur over your rl info to LL or else you are banished off of the grid!

Now this all COULD be cause some tard lied and snitched me out.
OR it could be cause of the Torley Linden Story (We Know Why He Dress Like a Ho!)
CAUSE Jump was banned from the library of prims, and the man statue (PERMANENTLY)
and these are all land owned by groups THAT The Great Watermelon is listed as owner of>

WTF IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT! I DON'T KNOW! LET'S FIND OUT!

2008-04-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

2008-04-15T10:30:00.002-04:00

Ace Reporter Bane Martinek has stepped it up on the grid, leading the fight to free our fallen hero Jumpman Lane! He may even rate a promotion when the legend returns...or a foot in his crack!

2008-04-12T21:05:00.004-04:00

Had to put my foot in a few tards cracks!
You know Ol' Jump. I get on extra grime
when it's reppin' time!
Dime-droppin rat fink snitches...run tell that!
Why ya at it, call a Linden 'cause ya can't log in!
(click on th e pic ya silly trix and atch it grow)

SaveMe Oh's Blog

2008-04-07T18:59:00.002-04:00

"Some people want to fuck around all day and also pretend to make a glossy magazine with interesting items and articles. A big example of a cockroach of this kind is Jumpman Lane."

- SaveMe Oh

lmao this tard is heelarious

http://savemeoh.wordpress.com/

Slut Magazine V2I2 Excerpt

2008-04-06T14:06:00.004-04:00

Excerpted from the current issue.
Slut Magazine Volume 2 Issue 2.
We bringin it to ya like this.

Check us out!
(Click on the pix ya silly trix, and watch them grow)
http://www.slutmaglane.com/

New Issue is done

2008-04-04T17:02:00.004-04:00

Slut Magazine Volume 2 Issue 2
The new one is done!
Go to the site and check it out
http://www.slutmaglane.com/

Oh! It's a doozy!

2008-03-25T01:31:00.002-04:00

Slut Magazine Superstars! Let US know WHO you are. Instead of picture spammin Jump, fill out a profile. upload ur sexy pix. Then IM us. If you are a star, we might let ya shine in the pages of our mag. If ya ain't we might sparkle ya up! If nothig else, profile-lurk and stalk some of the hottest avi's on the grid! Click the pic below and slide ova!

http://slutmaglane.ning.com/

2008-03-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

We are done with the new cover! April ish is on its way! We MIGHT not get banned!

Slut Mag Vol2: Ish 1 is done!

2008-03-04T14:03:00.004-05:00

Check it out cause you are probably in it! All the old scores get settled!
http://www.slutmaglane.com

Newest Cover is done!

2008-02-20T00:40:00.004-05:00

Slut Magazine Volume 2: Issue 1
It's coming! March 1st 2008. Keep ya eyes peeled. http://www.slutmaglane.com/. that is where you will find it. and it is gonna be crazier that ever! and hey YOU might be the shitball of the month! I bet you can't wait to see!

2008-02-06T11:52:00.000-05:00

Slut Magazine has a new home! In world this is Slut's Hideway at a place we like to call 1 Slut Lane! On the web find us at www.slutmaglane.com! Follow the link ya lazy thangs, and come take a stroll down Slut Lane!

Slut Magazine Vol:1 Issue 4

2007-09-01T19:10:00.000-04:00

The new ish is in pdf! It is here! Follow the link to the side to preview it on scibd, and download it if ya got adobe pdf reader...and what tard dont!

And the website is coming soon! Keep ya eyes peeled!

Jumpman Lane, CEO Slut Magazine.

Volume 1: Issue 3

2007-06-23T12:03:00.000-04:00

contents:

interview with a noob
slut of the year
what the fuck happened at THAT party
what IS a lane lovely?
ballroom corruption
feature interview: poor lil' rich avi!
kimber exposed!
where are my noobs?
column: perv alert
column: ask a slut...or rather ask nomads
make ya say ho! ho! na na na na
contest (who don't like free shit!)
coming next month
notices

Check out the Black Dragon Dance Club, one of the most popular clubs in SL. We host frequent events with great music, money giveaways, contests, dancing, and more. Meet our lovely escort girls, who will be more than willing to show you a good time!
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Black%20Dragon%20Island/137/132/22

letter from the editor

wood swingin!

"What's my motherfuckin name? LANE...and it's a new one! All you oldie scum been eatin long enough! Now it's my time! Ease the fuck back or settle down in a nice patch of ground cause that's what ya bitches gettin stomped the fuck into! Shit this shit combustible! and I'm ready to blow up the whole god damn world! It's just startin, it's just startin, and when I'm done we all gonna be swimmin in the flames!"- J. Lane, hottest motherfucker under a windlight sun!

Jumpy in his get right stance!

Now that I done snatched ya ear of ya head, hear this! Crazy shit been goin on since last we kicked the bobo, oh ye my most gentlest readers, my brothers, and only, friends. This was a month of many thinkins and rumblins in the ol gulliver...many plots within plots and schemes within schemes were hatched and ttempted all in the MFSL! Hoes heart's got broke, holes got poked!...and all kinds of crazy shit! This most triumphant ish, is cock to the balls deep-full of important revelations and annoucements!

decisions...decisions

We presentinn all spit-shined and sparkled up to the world, the VERY FIRST Lane Lovely! What the fuck is that?...keep readin ya silly fucks! We organizin this filty rag into a finacial jugganaught...that's right, the goddamn slutmag, bitch! To insure mo crazy enterrtainment for the entertainable, more prizes for ya cheap fucks to win and glom, and mo money for the goddamn Jumpman!...cause I like to sparkle shine, glitter, glow...and just genereally give off light with out falloff! For one of you very lucky slots, Jumpy gonna make ya SL-Xmas brighter than that fat -fuck Santa ever did when you was a kid! Why cause December is the HO HO month! That's when we gonna ponder and figure out who the fuck is gonna be Slut of the Year!Then there is THE TOWER...where ya will find THE ONE COCK RING OF POWER...wrapped snug tight round Jumpy Lane's...cock! Just a sparkle in my eye...but it's comin!

welcome to the Roadhouse...beeyotch!

And just a flurry oh hot, ho-hoppin hoes, ready to slide on a pink pose ball, for Jumpy's joy and excitement! and maybe yours to ya pervy fucks! Jine the legion...jine the slut mag group in world..and Jumpy givin ya the power! Press-gang drag ya turdball friends in kickin in screamin...cause by the time the Lindens shut down the lab, ya all gonna be in my world! SL is a JL world...step in it voluntarrily, or get mud-stomped into it! Follow the leader! Come on ya pervy turds..It's time!

Please join us for a test drive at the "Road House"
in Weederman
http://slurl.com/secondlife/weederman/87/52/49/?title=RoadHouse

INTERVIEW WITH A NOOB by Jumpman Lane

Now this month I didnt have to venture off into the Welcome Area to abduct a luckless fuck and turn their whole SL around for em oput the gate! A noob IMed me...not so very unusual...lots of rodeo clowns IM me in world now...gives em something to do while dodgin bulls and lookin funny!...Well this noob wanted L$-but not the way the usual turd wants em...for free. HE wanted a job! Started off as a post in the SL Excange forums! Some new SLer was lookin for work...I pointed out the excellent commission we pay to those who broker ad contracts (GOD DAMN IF WE DONT!) And all the silly goody two-shoe shitbags exploded, spreadin crap all over the place, whining that Slut Mag is porn...noobs should tap-dance or ballroom dance or what ever the fuck pg rolled up balls of turds like to do before they get flushed! Well I offered the ho a job and that was that! Mere hours later Tawnos Voollmar IMed, and the job hunt began. Here's what the fuck happened!

he had to do some fast talkin

Jumpman Lane: Now Tawnos, how old ru sl age?
Tawnos Vollmar: 5 days
Jumpman Lane: ok you IMED ME lookin 4 a job right?
Tawnos Vollmar: yup
Jumpman Lane: so u r sort of a stalker but that is cool
Tawnos Vollmar: hahaha, nah, nothing like that
Jumpman Lane: the whole MFSL can IM me I dont give a fuck!
Tawnos Vollmar: saw your post on SLExchange
Jumpman Lane: first we gotta cool u up cause most employers dont hire noobs ur age...
Jumpman Lane: if we gotta we r gonna say ur an alt!
Tawnos Vollmar: heh, alright.

all gussied up JL style!

Jumpman Lane: how did you here about sl?
Tawnos Vollmar: read an article on digg.com about SL and all these people making money
Tawnos Vollmar: so i decided i would give this game a shot
Jumpman Lane: yup...not easy but not hard either!
Jumpman Lane: how much were you making camping?
Jumpman Lane: you know what per minute
Tawnos Vollmar: about 10L an hour or so
Tawnos Vollmar: ohh, per minute
Jumpman Lane: oh
Tawnos Vollmar: id find chairs for 1L or 2
Jumpman Lane: bout normal

aint but 5 days old!

Jumpman Lane: u r lucky u can hunt up money trees
Jumpman Lane: now security jobs dont pay shit...nor do dancing jobs...but it's enough to make the game fun and interesting
Jumpman Lane: you really need to explore and meet cool people LIKE ME...
Jumpman Lane: make contacts
Tawnos Vollmar: yah thats what i figure
Jumpman Lane: the job i'll get ya will at least give you time to do that in a fun way
Jumpman Lane: also give ya time to learn stuff like making shit
Jumpman Lane: though youtr tats r cooler than fuck! eventually u really should sell em
Tawnos Vollmar: yah, thats what i would like to do

now he a model!

Off we went to club Fantasy and quickly got Tawny a job as a male stripper. Dude aint but five days old but after a quick make over he looks good enough to model...and prob will! Who knows turdz and turdettes...MAYBE HE IS AN ALT! And he makes tats too! An all around cool noob-o-the-month.

ok...a male stripper!

http://www.slexchange.com/index.php

SLUT OF THE YEAR by Slut Magazine its damn self (typed by that turd Bane Martinek)

Jumpy luv milk jugs!

Now in November issue we will annonuce all those who qualify for the Slut Of the Year! This contest will be decided by ME taking into consideration of the votes of all readers! Any woman who was ever depicted in th epages of Slut Magazine fom its inception through the November issue qualifies...so gals you want to qualify, better IM Mr. Lane and try to get squeezed in!
The Winner will get 1 Dominous Motor Car, 1 West Coast classics bike, and 10,000L$, the January Cover and special January layout and a Special Xmas party (held a lil BEFORE XMAS) to shake her little sexy slutty ass!

"Good luck ya silly tricks! IM ME!"- J. Lane

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THAT PARTY by Jumpman Lane

Now it aint no secrect we planned a drop-ya-drawls, lick -my-balls, hoes to the ceilin, hot fuckin orgy at this hot oldie anonymous hoe's house...BUT THE BITCH GOT SCARED AND BAILED! Now she is an oldie (oh how I just love corruptin goody-two-shoes!) who was bored and lurk-stalked Jumpy her god damn self! BUT! BUT! When she realized motherfuckers were wantin to slam into that narrow lil ass of hers, and were fully prepared to IM the fuck outta her to ease her on a pink pose ball! Well the bitch ran!

the man with the ga ga ga golden gunz!

We had the god damn party any mother fuckin way! Won't no got damn strippers (er..actually there WAS a passle of em! Well Fuck!) Won't no god damn DJ! won't no free prizes. And we shot the fat pink pig sploder! BUT!

Doki ready to blow up the god damn world wit that omicron!

I did give out 100L$ to the first 20 motherfuckers than showed! Lumiaries included Broc,and her sis..Brandi from a few feet down the page. Chef the house maker! My dolls Doki, Sole, and Kimber! Some random (who oddly enough wanted a job, I should start a fuckin employment agency!) Vila, Hanna (comin next month...took me 2 hours to remember who the fuck she was and where we met or IF we had fucked...just natch assumed we had...BUT NOPE!) My lil Annie (DO NOT ASK!), Kike(his real name) The Sandbox Terror (DON'T EVEN ASK!) and a few motherfuckers who were forgettable and were for got!

Kickin the bobo wit Broc-Broc

Well we stood around chattin for like an hour, then the skittish skeedadled and we lounged around the beginnings of slut tower...then the shootin started! WE USED OUR VARIOUS LIL PUSH PEE SHOOTERS AND TRAPS TILL Dokan crashed everybody with her omega omicron apocalypse crap! Great fun! Stayed there all day doin that ! :( DIDN'T GET TO FUCK SHIT! SOME ORGY! Next time I have a party YOU COME! Monkey!

Tiny!

What is a Lane Lovely? by Jumpman Lane

Well...you know..one of my dimes, a loving touch...and yup yup, I'm crazier than Lonzo! Well a Lane Lovely is just a gliitter-girl! A star! Shining too bright to keep ya eyes on. And I happen upon these doll babies like once a week...YOU DON'T? I know, that really aint fair, maybe Weezy care! Cause I personally don't give a fuck! But I WILL let ya peep what Jumpy gets to see reguar-like! And for those with good eyes! this is my lil oldie ho...and after how she stood up the MFSL...ya saw how she had to get back in Jumpy's good graces in my Letter from the Editor pics!...Ho had to wood smoke me and The West Coast Classics boys! (More in depth on them crazy bike makers next month! WELL HERE SHE ISTHE FIRST LANE LOVELY...who shall forever remain nameless....

Ballroom Corruption by Zelda Homewood

Now ya'll know or should know how I , the god damn Jumpman just hate ballroom dancers! The blow and suck and epitomize all the PG turdlick shit I and Slut Magazine firmly oppose! Well, the other day I decide to slide by one of these ballroom dumps, and while watching the Zaphod turdball in the perv Alert section, this simple lil slot Zelda Homewood, starts askin me, ME what the fuckI am doin just standing there (I was watching monkies in the zoo...or felt like I was) but after tellin the lil ho , I didn't come to dance with a simple trick like her! (and while flying as the pg fucks ban/ejected my ass!) I had a wonderful idea. Why not hire the lil beeyotch...send her PG ass "undercover" as a mature sim stripper slut! And see what happens! I was curious to see what effect it would have on her PG turd-like...turd-lick oh hell... her principles...so after a few IM's (AND QUITE A FEW LINDENS...GETTIN HER BUSTED ASS AVI RIGHT) I put her on the payroll of the mag, and had her set up as a dancer at the Black Dragon Club. Here is the first entry. READ THIS FUCKIN SHIT!

Damn ...she used to be PG!

Let me start by saying that I joined SL on a whim,not quite knowing what to expect. In my wildest imagination, I never could have thought up what Iwould find. You see, I was just hoping to find some interesting places where I could go and make friends. When I first logged on, just like any newbie, I wanted to explore and see what all the fuss was about.
I quickly realized that the standard noob avi wasjust that...standard. While I wasn't looking for anything spectacular, I knew that I wanted somethingmore than just a random pixelated female form. So I built my own shape. Bought a relatively cheap (incomparison to some others) skin. I got some hair and et voila! A brand new Zelda Homewood.

if they could see her now...on that sunset cruise!

I did see all these people walking around naked, andthe men had their stuff just hanging out. I neverblushed so much in my life! I didn't understand theconcept of walking up to strangers and asking them forsex. One guy actually asked me if I wanted to fuck, and when I politely declined, he came back afew minutes later and asked, "How about now?" Apparently, SL men are as stupid as RL men in thinking that women are turned on by that crap.
Of course, I hit all the freebies places and oh my! Did I find some beautiful things. The gowns were gorgeous, and I couldn't wait to don one and see howit moved. I wandered around a bit and found a placewhere I could actually ballroom dance! A very nice gentleman asked me to dance with him and I was havinga great time, until this nasty, obnoxious, completelyblinged out fool showed up...and that's where the beginning of the end of good ole Zelda Homewood started.

this is what she USED to like to do!

Of course it was none other than our favorite Jumpman. He was rude, repulsive, and managed to gethimself banned (big surprise!). Yet, somehow, I foundmyself oddly intrigued. He found me after I left (orfollowed me, he'll never 'fess up), and while I wasstill burning from his earlier rudeness, there wassomething about him that had me drawn to the darkerside of SL. The sexier, steamier side. The Jumpyside. Don't mistake me; he's still an arrogant asswith tendencies towards narcissism and an egotistical streak that rivals any of the guys (and most women)out there, but I was still intrigued.
He gave me the standard crap about being a noob andhow I looked. But it reflected the real me...sweet,kind, caring, and mostly innocent. Or is that thereal me? These days, I'm not so sure.

gettin jiggy at a ballroom dump! wit a wild face sliprock!

Jumpy offered me a job as an undercover reporter forthe magazine. At first I was taken aback, if bynothing more than the name. Me, working for SlutMagazine? I balked at first, but the more heexplained what he wanted me to do, the more I feltsomething stir inside. I had to see for myself whatall the interest in the SL underworld of stripping andsex was about. Not to mention, this girl needs somethreads, and threads don't come cheap on SL, unlessyou want the Business in a Box flexi dress pack, with150 of the most common flexi dresses in SL to wear allthe time. Can you say conformity? No, I needed toexpand my fashion horizons, and I figured if nothingelse, I'd at least milk him for some money. However,Jumpy (the cheap prick) wasn't giving it up, so I hadto get a job.
So with a little trepidation, I got myself a job atThe Black Dragon as a dancer. The first time I got ona pole, I felt my heart skip a beat and wondered whatI was getting myself into. Would I be able to pull itoff? Did I have it in me? I felt a little dirtybeing gawked at by these men. They would makecomments to me about my looks that, in RL, would makemy skin crawl. Yet, there was something sexy aboutit, and something sexy about knowing that I could turnthese men on. It was empowering, and I started to getinto it a little more.

spit-shined and sparkled up! Zelda is a STAR!

I got IMs telling me how hot I was, tips to takeclothing off, and offers for free sex. FREE???? Notlikely! Dancing at the club has started changing me. I never knew I had such a kinky, dirty side, but Ihave to tell you, I think I'm starting to like it. OK, maybe that has to do with the new and improvedskin and much larger wardrobe I have now, but maybenot. Maybe it's the thrill of being a tease andletting men see me peel my clothing off piece bypiece, as I writhe up and down a long, hard pole, withmy oiled up body. And maybe, just maybe, one of thesedays, I'll find myself alone in a skybox with a hotpiece of SL meat, riding him like a cowgirl on acattle drive across the plains...
Or maybe not. Wouldn't you like to know?

FEATURE INTERVIEW:POOR LIL RICH AVI by Jumpman Lane
This hot lil dish, she freaky! Square biz! Jumpy KNOW! (More on that in a future ish!) She dancing at a dump of a club that wishes to remain nameless...dont want you broke as a Chris Rock Joke daytrippers lurkin and laggin up the spot! So to get inside this hot & sexy hoes head ya gotta tag along with JUMPY FRESH. And Turbo that's for you!. I cracked you up? You cracked me up! :) Come along all you pervy slips slide into this slot...and make her say ohhhhhhh!

sexy lil rich thang!

[19:50] Jumpman Lane: like what? all I learned is I REALLY need to weaponize so i can put my foot in more sliprocks' cracks!
[19:50] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[19:51] Jumpman Lane: mo haters mo clips!
[19:51] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Well, for instance. I've always been fascinated by biker type guys. Never really knew any, growing up in the city, going to private schools and all. In Sl, I've met some...........
[19:52] Jumpman Lane: girl I got six bikes!
[19:52] Sharlienne Bourgoin: real biker types. I know some are just role playing the life style, but still, some really know the life and I think that entire "Bad Boy" biker thing is played out well here
[19:52] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[19:52] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Harleys?
[19:53] Jumpman Lane: 5 of em are one stunt dirt bike , courtsey of one of the best bike makers in all the mfsl!
[19:53] Jumpman Lane: Wild guys i'm gonna intro ya! They love the lovelies!
[19:54] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Kewl. You gotta take me for a ride. I love the rumble on my thighs. Only get that with the Harley
[19:54] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins evily
[19:54] Jumpman Lane: But i aint really a biker-type...i'm a firestarter! We will these are the best bikes n sl
[19:54] Sharlienne Bourgoin beams
[19:54] Jumpman Lane: really well escripted!
[19:55] Jumpman Lane: but what do ya do for L$
[19:56] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I'm independently wealthy, but I dance and I'll escort when the mood hits me, I do it for fun. I love making a guy feel special. Making his time with me just a moment in heaven. And I happen to be really good at.
[19:56] Sharlienne Bourgoin smiles seductively
[19:56] Jumpman Lane: RICH! :P
[19:56] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[19:56] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Well, Daddy's rich. I'm just the spoiled princess
[19:56] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[19:56] Jumpman Lane: Jumpy love Lindens...the ones that spend and run shit too!

playin it cool with Jumpy! But Jumpy a god damn iceberg!

[19:57] Jumpman Lane: so you fuck for fun and entertainment?
[19:58] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Pretty much. Not that I can't enjoy a little romance from time to time, but when I was in college, there was this group of dykes that I got to know. All of them really cute, cheerleader types. Since then, I've always been attracted to a lesbian experience, but never found the courage to explore. SL gave me that chance and I have fun with that too[19:58] Sharlienne Bourgoin smiles
[20:00] Jumpman Lane: shit! ol freaky!
[20:00] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:00] Jumpman Lane: jumpy all in to th orgy thing...gotta round up some lovelies and make that happen!
[20:00] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Mmm, Love a good orgy.
[20:01] Sharlienne Bourgoin: lol
[20:01] Jumpman Lane: so since ur a lil rich beeyotch are your escort rates reasonable or poppin out the motherfuckin roof?
[20:02] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I'm expensive, very expensive, but worth every penny. I've never gotten less than $2000L in tips, above my regular prices. And every John I've loved as been back for more
[20:02] Jumpman Lane: sheeyat! lucky junpy blessed wth the gift!
[20:03] Jumpman Lane: last escort tried to charge me through the roof fell in love with Jumpy![20:03] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:03] Jumpman Lane: you got any stalkers?
[20:03] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Well, Sharli girl doesn't fall in love.
[20:03] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:04] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I've had a few, but I also have some really bad friends. Stalkers don't last long around me
[20:04] Sharlienne Bourgoin smiles
[20:04] Jumpman Lane: why not?
[20:04] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Well, lets just say, my friends can make life very uncomfortable for a stalker, if they need to
[20:04] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:05] Jumpman Lane: I could fall in luv with that pretty face!
[20:05] Jumpman Lane: I start stalkin ya ya gonna sic ya mutts on me?
[20:05] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins, purses her lips, then blows you a wet kiss
[20:06] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Na, I'de fuck you into tomorrow a few times, make you follow me around is all
[20:06] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins evily
[20:06] Jumpman Lane: shit, I'm Jumpy Lane...I'd make ya part if my harem!
[20:06] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:07] Jumpman Lane: and the kinda guy i am i attract the coolest motherfuckers in all th mfsl!i got all kinds psychos wanna work security for me...but we'd get permantly banned![20:07] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:08] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Ya, the tough guys can go a little overboard some times. Gotta keep an eye on 'em
[20:09] Jumpman Lane: some of these gus bring down whole sims..and jumpy dont really condone that! hate when the works are down, but tell me this how many skins ya been through?[20:09] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Three
[20:09] Jumpman Lane: not bad!
[20:09] Sharlienne Bourgoin: And this is the last one
[20:10] Jumpman Lane: that's what they all say!
[20:10] Jumpman Lane: how many shapes?
[20:10] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Two. This one, I got from Arsheba.
[20:10] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Well, from the training I got there anyway
[20:10] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I did my research. This turns guys on, its that simple
[20:10] Jumpman Lane: oh yeah they train ya ther dont they!
[20:11] Jumpman Lane: love the face! you could be my first sl wife!
[20:11] Sharlienne Bourgoin: heh, well, they try. Most of what I've learned there I learned on my own
[20:11] Sharlienne Bourgoin: But I might sleep with the maid of honor
[20:11] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:11] Jumpman Lane: what sortsa trainin did they try to give ya?
[20:11] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Then again, you'de like that
[20:11] Sharlienne Bourgoin: LOL
[20:11] Jumpman Lane: yup
[20:12] Sharlienne Bourgoin: How to emote, how to talk it up, how to get rid of assholes
[20:12] Jumpman Lane: why if i do get married i'm havin like 3 or 4 wives!
[20:12] Sharlienne Bourgoin: But I learned more working in the dives than Arsheba could teach me
[20:12] Jumpman Lane: oh yeah!
[20:12] Jumpman Lane: how do ya get rid of assholes?

You know Jumpy plottin on stickin THAT!

[20:13] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Demand money mostly, or just make them uncomfortable. Worse case scenerio, you call security
[20:13] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Of course, I used to carry weapons. I've had to kill a few assholes[20:13] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:13] Jumpman Lane: Money I can understand? make em feel uncomfortable, wtf is that?[20:14] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Make 'em feel small. If a guy is being a jerk, its usually because he has the brain of a pigeon. easy to make them feel small, embarressed, stupid
[20:14] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I have a way with words, gift of Gab my Mother use to say
[20:14] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:15] Jumpman Lane: that's never worked on me...why they always orbit me I guess!
[20:15] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Yep, the smart ones ya just gotta zoom away.
[20:15] Jumpman Lane: read th sl forms ..all the locked threads I am in!
[20:16] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:16] Sharlienne Bourgoin: So you're a real bad boy? Mmmm, I love bad boys
[20:16] Jumpman Lane: kill doesnt work much any more....
[20:16] Sharlienne Bourgoin smiles innocently
[20:17] Jumpman Lane: nope .. just blessed with the gift of gab!
[20:17] Sharlienne Bourgoin laughs
[20:17] Jumpman Lane: if you could be a linden for a week...before ol Phil caught on to ya and fired ya...what would ya do?
[20:18] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I'de remove all the camp chairs, pads, and anything else associated with Camping
[20:18] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:19] Jumpman Lane: why...it's the only money noobs got?
[20:20] Jumpman Lane: ur just rich!
[20:20] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Fuck 'em. Make 'em work for a living. I may be rich, but I don't need Daddy's money. I can make a fortune just dancing. I hate welfare
[20:20] Sharlienne Bourgoin grins
[20:21] Jumpman Lane: but land owners pay campers just to be there.
[20:22] Jumpman Lane: to drive up traffic for a variey of reasons
[20:22] Jumpman Lane: mall to sell rental space
[20:22] Jumpman Lane: crap like that!
[20:22] Sharlienne Bourgoin: I know what they are for, I just don't like 'em, and you said I'd get caught eventually anyway. Just get rid of them for a week
[20:22] Sharlienne Bourgoin: LOL
[20:24] Jumpman Lane: yup you'd get fired cost Phil his concierge loot!
[20:24] Jumpman Lane: No more sharlienne linden!
[20:24] Sharlienne Bourgoin pouts
[20:24] Jumpman Lane: lol
[20:25] Jumpman Lane: I'm firin ya too Sharli
[20:25] Jumpman Lane: wont see ya next til ya nekid!
[20:25] Sharlienne Bourgoin: Interview is over?
[20:26] Jumpman Lane: you know it is ...lil miss rich stuff!

Kimber Exposed!

How time flys in the MFSL...Kimber doesn't manage over at the Temple XXX anymore cause poof...the motherfucker is gone! I really , really ,really used to love floating in their pool and listening to the music! (Which rocked!) Hope the ol Temple guys slap together a new spot...it was a cool place! Well anyway! Here she is and nekid to boot!

Where are my Noobs? by Bane Martinek

Here is the results of our hard, charging ace-reported investigative search for the bosses noobs!

still cute as a button

You will be happy to note that the second of the bosses newbs, though rarely on IS NOT SL DEAD! Francella Fiorella was happily reached twice, and the boss chatted with her for over an hour on both occasions. She has gathered quite a pile of ballroom gowns (a mistake caused by the boss sending her to look at The SS Galaxy "to look around") but is otherwise in good spirits and eager to learn more and more about Second Life! Being, a RL webdesigner, she hopes to usher her company into SL, and rake in the profits! And she still looks cute as a button!

"A great lil gal, chasin the big L$! More power to her!"- J. Lane

"I want him dead!"-J.L.

Travissi Babii is another matter. Soon after acquiring the bosses lucky, magic newbie cock. The guy just vanished. No clues or sightins turned up...so no Nike Shox for our faithful readers! If no clues should turn up next month, we sha;; have to declare him formally SL-dead and have a funeral!

"Fuck yeah, we gonna bury that coackroach! That turd has my nevie cock, locked tight in his noob inventory! I almost deleted it like a 1000 times, but decided out of tremendous shit-ball generosity to give it to a noob fuck and he skeddaddles with it. I knew I should put the thing under glass...and even tried it with a "replica"...looks like i chopped some poor clowns cock off and put it in a jar of formaldahide...CREEPY!"- J. Lane

Why won't this Dancer Fuck for Lindens? by Jumpman Lane

Cause she aint got no damn job! Here is a special treat...actual investigative type shit! All about how you lil cowgals can get ya self hired to dance strip and escort ya way to Anshe chung status...or not! Cause Anshe will tell ya herself...you gotta flip them dicks bitch to get paid!

Kimber to the rescue!

[20:45] Jumpman Lane: so you lookin for work...I'm turing into a god damn employnmment agency

[20:45] Vila Boucher: yeah I guess I am , but I have to admit I like just being in the crowd and not on stage

[20:45] Vila Boucher: its a nice change

[20:46] Jumpman Lane: well why is that?

[20:46] Vila Boucher: I like to be down with all the people. Not hoisted on the stage like some show pony

[20:46] Jumpman Lane: well what do you have against being on stage?

[20:47] Vila Boucher: Nuthin really, I just like to be close to the guys ;]

[20:48] Jumpman Lane: lol... but what do you mean JUST a dancer!

[20:48] Vila Boucher: jump you know me I REFUSE! to escort

[20:48] Jumpman Lane: refuse why?

[20:49] Vila Boucher: So I guess im just a Fired Dancer. Id rather be with a guy for his love then his wallet

[20:49] Jumpman Lane: well jumpy has connections...in fact this months coverigrl manages at the black dragon

[20:50] Vila Boucher: Oh really?

[20:50] Jumpman Lane: I can probably get you a job as a dancer AND an escort...if you would like!

[20:50] Jumpman Lane: let me im her

[20:50] Vila Boucher: Aw thanks jump :]

[20:50] Jumpman Lane: lol

[20:51] Jumpman Lane: well keep yur poinies in the corral!

[20:51] Jumpman Lane: she aint here just yet

[20:51] Jumpman Lane: she is on her way

[20:51] Vila Boucher: lots of pony talk in this chat, lol

[20:52] Jumpman Lane: this''ll be helpfull for all the lil phillies out there wanna be dancers in the mfsl

Jumpy make the whole damn world right one mo gin!

[20:53] Jumpman Lane: kimber hello... this is vila

[20:54] Kimber Martinek: Hi hun

[20:54] Jumpman Lane: , Vila this is kimber...manager of the black bragon...and a covergirl![20:54] Vila Boucher: Sexy, Hey girl

[20:54] Jumpman Lane: well kimber...vila just got fired over at sin city...

[20:55] Jumpman Lane: dancer but not an escort

[20:55] Kimber Martinek: lol...like me

[20:55] Jumpman Lane: you got any openings

[20:55] Kimber Martinek: Yes we have a few'

[20:55] Vila Boucher: oh realy?

[20:56] Kimber Martinek: yes

[20:56] Jumpman Lane: well this would reall help our readers understand the hiring process[20:56] Vila Boucher: But I dont want you to make her give me the job Jump

[20:56] Kimber Martinek: ok well first of all she would fill out an application, they are at the door, she needs to have good skin,shape and hair

[20:56] Jumpman Lane: how does it work?

[20:57] Vila Boucher: ill work on the skin but hows the hair and shape?

[20:57] Kimber Martinek: and they attatch a picture or 2

[20:57] Jumpman Lane: well paper work aside, what do u think of vila?

YUP! YUP! a THRILLA!

[20:58] Kimber Martinek: shes not bad at all

[20:58] Kimber Martinek: let me see her profile

[20:58] Kimber Martinek: brb[20:59] Kimber Martinek: ok she started on June 23rd

[20:59] Kimber Martinek: Which means she is almost 30 days old but not quite

[20:59] Jumpman Lane: is that a prob

[20:59] Vila Boucher: hmm yeah 1 more day

[20:59] Jumpman Lane: yeah...it's 12.01 where i am

[20:59] Kimber Martinek: so zelda is actually blowing Tawnos over there

[21:00] Jumpman Lane: pretty much

[21:00] Vila Boucher: its 12:00 here

[21:00] Jumpman Lane: she is 1 month today where i am....

[21:00] Kimber Martinek: lol[21:00] Vila Boucher: that was good timing

[21:00] Jumpman Lane: so...

Cause kimber is a BOSS!

[21:00] Kimber Martinek: ok would you show me another hair style or do you have 1?

[21:01] Jumpman Lane: would vila have to fill out an app?

[21:01] Kimber Martinek: yes

[21:01] Jumpman Lane: or

[21:01] Vila Boucher: I had more but then I lost my whole inventory

[21:01] Vila Boucher: but I can get more

[21:01] Jumpman Lane: clearyour cache

[21:01] Kimber Martinek: and then if it looked good i would give her the rules, if she agreed she would then be hired

[21:02] Jumpman Lane: so it comes down to 1 hair doo?

[21:02] Kimber Martinek: no. But i have to like the look

[21:02] Jumpman Lane: oh...what then?

[21:02] Kimber Martinek: she is cute

[21:02] Kimber Martinek: can it change to 1 color

[21:06] Kimber Martinek: we pay 90% plus pole time, so they are always making money whether they get tipped or not

So that's it gals...slide on over to the Black Dragon! They are hiring!We'll let ya know if vila got the job or not or if she was ! hair-doo shy of the requirements NEXT month! Stay tuned!

Perv Alert by Slut Magazine it's damn self

This lil section was started because of all the lil pervy sliprock turds who have been puttin sexy lil avi's in a choke hold and squuezzin all the life andd joy outta the SL experience! Keep ya eyes peeled for thes walkin, talkin turds! Unless ya like shitballs!

Sneaky ass lil Gilligan!

First up! This Gilligan-looka -motherfuckin-like just know he cool. He lurks around one ot the nude beaches (clothed!). Just floats up in front of the row of chairs eyeballin hoes annd lurkin on their profile pages! Then attempts to stike up convos with the hoes

want the skipper to wrap him up in his strong arms

Name is Submission some such the fuckin body! Search and avoid them all! But should ya find this turds prof page...all the warning signs are there. Any shit-smear with pics of chicks under his picks, with statments like "we have gone through so much...been through so much" is a stalker and a perv too lazy to remove the crap on his prof page! CAUSE YOU KNOW THEY DON'T FUCK WITH HIM IN SL ANYMORE! Cause he clingy! What lil buddy needs is for thr skipper to wrap his big stong arms around him, and tell him everything is gonna be ok, and that they gonna make it offa that nude isle...or so i told him ...and then he snitched on me and got me banned! But that dump is gonna be closed friday anyway!

Next up I dont know WHO the fuck this is!

so long and thanx for all the fish you god damn dumb bitch!

This Zaphod Beeblebronx wish-he-was-wantin-the-fuck-to-be can easily be avoided by avoiding ALL PG SIMS...I saw this floatin turd at a ballroom dance, gettin jiggy and lookin pervy for all the pg slots in the dump! Girls if ya see this fool and you can rezz better trap or shoot or do SOMETHING TO HIM...cause aint no tellin what he'll do to you if he gets ya in his girly-mitts!

Last, and most the fuck the least OL' Govi!

ol' dirt-face Govi

G_O_V_I This turd munch...when not seen snackin on poo, may be caught holding down the SAME god damn spot in Hard Alley. All the way at the bottom! Careful girls...he'll switch that Avi up on ya...used to look like Frodo Baggins, the the king of slop, El Miguel jackson...now he going for a more generic look..but careful He a shapeshifter!

he found one of his lost hoes!

And he still holdin power! Last time I saw him he was talkin about his fav movies with his lil clique of crack lickers...when I realized all the hoes had on xcite asses...so I naturally started smackin! that's when he gave the command! : "All women ! xcite asses off now!" And them silly bitches did! BUT HE LEFT HIS ON! So I smacked his ass like a 1000 times, cause I'm Jumpy! I'll do any god damn thing! Shit that's what he wanted! When ya see him, click control alt t , and check out his tits, butt implants, and lil weeny! Overall a shitbag that needs to be drained! Check the archives...I think he is anonymous in the last ish! Whiny fuck!

wtf...he rockin invis tits and a teeny weeny! xcite sux!

ASK A SLUT...OR RATHER ASK NOMADS
by nomads Dagger

That mean ogre Jumpman Lame (they actually call him that in the SL Forums, kicked up a real shitstorm last month cause I was late with my column! Well he can just drop straight dead! I'm crampy, laggy, and in a pissy mood! So the questions better be good ones!
why you THINK this bitch still got a job!

Bohica Bing asks: how old r you

Nomads answers:Now he didnt specify sl or rl...sl...read my profile! rl none of your business...I'm granny gim-drops, too old to see the monitor! Rubbing out orgasms in all the free sex areas! Is that what you nosy perverts want envision! NEXT QUESTION!

wingmen Noe asks: Where are you from?

Nomads answers: Great! Just great! All the fucking stalkers are online! Next Question

Laura Brouwerasks: like why that cheap tard pays so bad lol k i wanna ask that :p

Nomads answers: This HAS to be a question in referecne to Jumpman Lane! We discussed it once. He told me how as a child he fell in love with numbers. And would stare at them four hours on a page (In between killing all the pets in the neighborhood, and skateboarding, and stealing bikes, and feeling girls up) . Now he just stares at the numbers in his transactions history!...in between jerking off!

MAKE YA SAY HO! HO! NA NA NA NA
PART 1
By Jumpman Lane

This is a pal of mine! Ol Brandi, who is a ho so is gettin all glittered up and sparkled and preneted to the world! But I'm warnin ya she packin wood! So all you my loyal fans and readers and stalkers be careful...I told ya silly monkeys last month...Brand got something make ya say ho! ho! na na na na ...na na na na ...PUT THAT THANG UP!

batter up!

[20:00] You: i need ya to do me a huge fav!
[20:00] Bailey Staheli: what does that say? incest something classics?
[20:00] You: i gotta interview a tranny and i need a witness
[20:00] Bailey Staheli: a tranny?
[20:00] You: transvestite!
[20:00] Bailey Staheli: why on earth are u gonna talk to a tranny lol. i know what a fucking tranny is lol
[20:01] You: she is an escort and i present hookers to the world!
[20:01] Bailey Staheli: thats gross, u like trannys?
[20:01] You: fuck no! which is why i need a witness
[20:02] Bailey Staheli: i dont see why u NEED a witness
[20:02] You: i do just hang out
[20:02] Bailey Staheli: FINE lol

why is bailey rockin that pancake on her head?

[20:02] You: help ol jump out! hey, this is my officail witmess! witness! lol
[20:03] Bailey Staheli: uhm lol
[20:03] You: you know i need one. baily brandi brandi bailey
[20:03] Brandi Lundquist: lol you have a witness
[20:03] Bailey Staheli: lol hi
[20:03] Brandi Lundquist: Hiya Bailey
[20:03] You: fuck yeah! so!
[20:04] Brandi Lundquist: aww baby I tell everyone 'bout the love we have all that time
[20:04] Bailey Staheli looks at Jump
[20:05] Bailey Staheli: you two have love? :o
[20:05] Brandi Lundquist: oh, it's on the DLsorryhehe
[20:05] Bailey Staheli: lol
[20:05] You: i dont know what the hell ya'll talkin bout!
[20:05] Bailey Staheli: LOL
[20:06] Brandi Lundquist: I keep forgetting that the DL means we can't talk about it in public. ; )
[20:06] Bailey Staheli: lmao
[20:06] Brandi Lundquist: o.k. enough horsin' around...you gonna set to gettin' this done or what baby?
[20:06] You: ok lets get started!
[20:07] Bailey Staheli: lol he hasnt explained what is going on so im sorta lost
[20:07] You: so! bailey you just makin sure no body will ever wonder what ol jump did here alone with brandi. brandi, how did ya hear about sl. your are rather new?

kinda sexy 4 a furball

[20:08] Brandi Lundquist: well, it does get a fair amount of media coverage due to it's sexual content: And that's what I'm all about
[20:08] You: oh you mean the kiddie porn scandal?
[20:08] Brandi Lundquist: Jump, will you still print the interview if I end up takin' your girl home after?No, just the sex content in general
[20:09] You: sure
[20:09] Bailey Staheli: LOL
[20:09] You: this is just an ol frined
[20:09] You: and jumpy aint sl clingy!
[20:09] Brandi Lundquist: Heard it was a good place for sexual encounters and figured I'd check it out.: mmmm....good she's fair game
[20:09] You: i had hair like george washington when i met her!
[20:09] Bailey Staheli giggles
[20:09] Brandi Lundquist winks at Bailey
[20:10] You: Bailey is a wild cat now! YOU might not be able to handle her
[20:10] Brandi Lundquist: mmmm.....just the way I like 'em
[20:10] You: she got claws! AND i made her tuff!
[20:10] Brandi Lundquist: Jumpy, Darling, just 'cause you can't handle her......Brandi is a pro
[20:11] You: shit ask her if I can handle her! I'm the god damn jumpman!
[20:11] Brandi Lundquist: awwww......baby take it easy
[20:12] Bailey Staheli: lol
[20:12] Bailey Staheli: jump cant handle anything
[20:12] You: dont make me brek out my whip bailey!
[20:12] Bailey Staheli falls over giggling

Jumpy lookin worried as hell!

[20:12] Brandi Lundquist likes whips
[20:12] You: ok brandi
[20:13] Bailey Staheli: dont make me break out my admin powers
[20:13] Bailey Staheli: lol
[20:13] Brandi Lundquist: lol
[20:13] You: so you trudged around as a noob for a while, what made u decide to got the tranny route?whatyou can freeze meorbit me i dont care!
[20:13] Bailey Staheli: my sister owns this sim lol
[20:14] Brandi Lundquist: Well, you know Trannies have more fun Darling.
[20:14] You: i want to fuck her!
[20:14] Bailey Staheli: LOL she would cut your tiny balls off
[20:14] Brandi Lundquist: Why do Trannies have more fun?
[20:14] You: shit you know i got big balls!
[20:14] Bailey Staheli: nah u dont lol
[20:14] You: yes brandi
[20:15] Brandi Lundquist: Well, c'mon Darling! With big round tits, and a nice juicy cock...[20:15] Brandi Lundquist: ....how could we not?
[20:15] Bailey Staheli: i always thought it was herms that had the most fun
[20:15] Bailey Staheli: they have everything lol
[20:15] You: shit a whole lotta ways you could not!
[20:16] Brandi Lundquist: Naw, the herms have a good share of the fun but not all of it.
[20:16] Bailey Staheli: *mews*
[20:16] Brandi Lundquist: I like kitties ; )
[20:16] Bailey Staheli: lol im a neko, but im human right now
[20:16] Bailey Staheli: *mews*
[20:16] Brandi Lundquist: I like kitties ; )
[20:16] Bailey Staheli: lol im a neko, but im human right now , because jmp here is allergic to cats
[20:17] Brandi Lundquist: I love nekos....mmmmmmmmmm
[20:17] Bailey Staheli: ;P
[20:17] You: you know i hate god damn cats!
[20:17] Brandi Lundquist: Jump, I am taking your girl with me when we are done ; )
[20:17] Bailey Staheli: lol
[20:17] You: this aint my damn girl!
[20:17] Brandi Lundquist: lol
[20:18] You: this is just one of my fluffy lovlies.....damn! look at her all furred up again!
[20:18] Brandi Lundquist: mmmmm......love the tail!
[20:18] Bailey Staheli: ;) this tail has alot of uses
[20:19] Brandi Lundquist: ohhhh!!!!!
[20:19] Brandi Lundquist: She is very distracting Jumpy
[20:19] Bailey Staheli: *mews*
[20:19] Brandi Lundquist: mmmmm
[20:19] You: those oily gray titties are distractin!
[20:19] Brandi Lundquist: mmmmm....yes
[20:20] You: i love lil bailey even though she has turned in to a small time tease!
[20:20] Bailey Staheli grins lol

Stylin the West Coast Classics Vest!

[20:20] You: but brandi, what sort of griefer predudice do you run in to?
[20:20] Brandi Lundquist: I've been known to be a bit of a tease myself- I haven't encountered any griefers at all.
[20:20] You: shit.....
[20:21] You: if i were a racist homophobe..you'd catch hell!
[20:21] Brandi Lundquist: Most the places I go are tranny friendly, and the ones that aren't the people are very nice.
[20:21] You: i'm a natural born shit talker. but you know that.i live in your forums!
[20:21] Brandi Lundquist: If you were a racist homophobe we wouldn't be havin' this interview.
[20:22] You: yup!
[20:22] Brandi Lundquist: You, Talk shit? nawwwww.
[20:22] Bailey Staheli flashes a lil grin at Brandi and runs my tail up her leg teasingly, then traces the outline of her ass with the tip of my tail
[20:22] You: but tell me seriously...
[20:22] Brandi Lundquist: mmmmmmm. Bailey!
[20:22] You: are you plannin on ban/ejecting me from the brandi lunquist forums?
[20:22] Bailey Staheli: *mews* :)
[20:22] Brandi Lundquist: No.
[20:22] You: oh bailey is a freak!-even though i made your pal chrissy cry ...more than once!
[20:23] Brandi Lundquist: My forums aren't there so I can silence people.
[20:23] Bailey Staheli smiles "im just very affectionate"
[20:24] Brandi Lundquist: If I had a problem with anything that goes on, I would personally talk to whoever is in question.
[20:24] Bailey Staheli continues to massage Brandi's buns with my tail
[20:24] Bailey Staheli: hehehe
[20:24] You: that's cool those turd ball wanna bbe linden stooges at the sl forums eventually lock all my threads! imagine that!
[20:24] Brandi Lundquist: I'll show you affection when we're done hon.- That's part of the reason I started my forums.
[20:25] You: yup
[20:25] Brandi Lundquist: I wanted a place to be sexual and have people post pics that were erotic.
[20:25] You: now i dont read ya blog! i tried ONCE!
[20:25] Brandi Lundquist: I'm not much of a forum person, but I saw a need and tried to fill it.My blog is very erotic, but it's not for everyone.
[20:26] You: def is a need to be filled
[20:26] Brandi Lundquist: Bailey if you check the web tab on my profile you can see my work[20:26] You: it is a place to post without self censoring! i love it!
[20:26] Bailey Staheli: hehe

This interview is SUPER long but fuckin hilarious...had btreak it in two parts...to be continued next month

Contest! by Slut Magazine its god damn self

kickless foots!

This month's winner NO GOD DAMN BODY...so ya fee stay fucked. Nobodies fault! No Nike Shox in a box for my friendly neighborhood readers cause that tard Travisii is fuckin dead...The new contest is for the best epitath for the SL-dead fuck.e-mail ya sponses to slutmagazine@yahoo.com with in world name and such-the-fuck-deets. Te gonna etch these words on his fuckin tomb stone!

COMING NEXT MONTH

Barbie with a Mona Lisa smile!

Hanna Yalin, Lovely
Na Na Na Na Part 2
Ballroom Corruption Part 2
Hey! What are those Noobs Doing
Shay, Dancer...Entrepreneur
Who Who the Date with Destiny
So ya wanna be a Gorean huh? Cool!
and a whole lot fucking more...or a whole lot more fuckin?!?!

NOTICES

WIN A DATE WITH THE VERY FIRST LANE LOVELY!We are auctioning for your pleasure, the very first Lane Lovely! She has graciously, decided do go on a date with the winner. Auction to be held on the SL Exchange!. The winner will recieve her name and IM her for details! What happens on this date if fully up to you. She has stated only two stipulations! She will not sleep with woman, and if you are not cool she aint sleeping with you either. beyond that, you are like totally in there , dude! Also, this "outing" is not limited to individuals. GROUPS MAY BID AND WIN! And trust me...she is fully prepared to make EVERYONE happy! As, the winner will see...this lovely is some rare goods...started in SL in 03, and has been fuckin since the word jumpy! Happy biddin pervs! Please note Jumpman Lane's SL exchange name is Jay Lane. I'll let ya know when the auction starts. Keep ya eyes peeled. It'll runs 10 days. Bidding starts at 1L$

Slut Tower. It is all in the makings. Designed by Dokan Dryssen of Designs by Dokan, an new but very talented builder! It will stand 10 floors tall, and will be a place for Jumpy to entertain and be entertained.

The top floor will be garden, under that a penthouse, several apartments, and the Slut Magazine offices. In the sky will be a club, a place for all to come and shake what ya mama's gave ya...all for Jumpy's joy and excitement and if while wandering round...ya see a pose ball...slide on it!

This project has been somewhat delayed as the architect is taking summer classes and has exams: but, keep ya eyes peeled.! It's, coming!

The impending World Stock Exchange intial public offering of Slut magazines! Ain't gonna be one god damnit! Them motherfuckers over there crazy as hell! Them slips let some clown stroll away with 3 Mil! Shit! Maybe they can get themselves together over there...but it's gonna have to be with out Jumpy! There are ups and downs in any market! We may come back to this idea later! BUT I FUCKIN DOUBT IT!

Volume 1: Issue 2

2007-06-19T16:41:00.004-04:00

contents:

interview with a noob
who is that avi part 1
that noob travissi
dokan exposed
jumpy lane's insane sex tour (in search of luv, damn it!)
who is that avi part 2
feature interview: kimber, dance executive
column: ask a slut...or rather ask nomads
who is that avi part 3
contest (free shit!, ya humps!)
notices
coming next month

Check out the Black Dragon Dance Club, one of the most popular clubs in SL. We host frequent events with great music, money giveaways, contests, dancing, and more. Meet our lovely escort girls, who will be more than willing to show you a good time!

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Black%20Dragon%20Island/137/132/22

letter from the editor

jumpy lane's o-face for these hoes!

Welcome back bitches! I know ya'll know who I am...I'm Jumpy, whi-ya-bullshittin' , whi-ya-ass-on fire, Jumpman Lane...MFSL soldja, virtual hustla, player, pimp! J.L.!!! Deep down in the mother fuckin sl...to take what's mine! All the motherfuckin pussy in the motherfuckin place! Get in line, walk with me, or get run the fuck over! You can't stop me! I got a stunt cock. I'll bust off on ya shoes! Make ya ho fall in love with me! Bend her over on the pose balls YOU bought ...on YOUR island! ...bitch tellin me "It's yo pussy, Jumpy!" the whole GOD DAMN time!!!

SL is a JL world...really...you just in it!

So ya'll simple, silly motherfuckers better just get on my team, and check out the shit that popped off this past month in The MFSL! I can't believe this shit... Shut up! Bring ya ass! It's time!

INTERVIEW WITH A NOOB by Jumpman Lane

This month Jumpy has been feelin deep concern for these hoes out here in The MFSL...

seems like the whole god damn month some clown-of-a-pervy sliprock has fucked around inside some hoe's head, til the point where Jumpy has had to de-PROGRAM a ho, before he could get his dick wet!

So, I decided to nip this silly pervy-turd shit in the bud...I decided to ARM a ho...if not mently, then definitly literally and physically...So I shot down to the welcome area and kidnap-snatched this fresh faced, day old noob...and quickly got her mind right! I slid her a psg1 sniper rifle some dude slid me at a party for free once...and a damn fine push rifle it is!

HERE'S WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!

J: For your time our mag will be giving you...a free anti-push device. . .keeps guns from working on you
F: ok sounds good
J: guns in second life push you far distances. Also, you'll receive the customary pair of nike shox in a box so hold still...that's a girly pair
F: lol thanks
J: np, 1 sec... gotta FIND the anti-push... there ya go... just wear that and guns don't work ... oh and i almost forgot the PSG1 sniper rifle..... that's the point of the whole thing!
F: I get a gun too?
J: yes
F: wow ... all sorts of fun stuff

look at this sweet, lil innocent lil girl ...

Fiorenza Forcella our chosen Noob

J: Now careful what you do with this cause linden labs gets testy and issue ya little warnings if you don't shoot in self defence. ok? But ya gotta be safe out there!
F: ok I'll figure that out in time I'm sure
J: you sure will... hold still now ... let me tell ya a little about this gun well crap... guess i'm gonna have to show ya how to use it... hang on...
F: ok
J: now look in your inventirt inventory click the recent items tab see it!
F: yep
J: ok ya see something calles psg1 the realz one
F: yeah
J:: click on it and choose wear.... awesome!
F: sweet
J: now what ever ya do don't shoot it in here now this is a notorious weapon. cause you can hit people 2 sims away...
F: oh ok
J: it fires through walls and through most shields.. crap... i'll give ya shiled too! most of that stuffs free and you'll find it... but no need to be a target till ya do ok to shoot thing BUT DON'T
F: lol alright
J: just go into mouse look ya know how! : roll your mouse wheel
F: ok
J: you in mouse view? look at me but dont shoot lol
F: that better?
J:see how my animation changed roll your mouse wheel forward that's it!
F: woah ok
J: im glad you didnt shoot listen... you fire by left clicking your mouse : BUT DONT DO IT! OKAY... YOU LOOK LIKE YOU READY TO TAKE OVER A SMALL COUNTRY!

she ready!!!

J:now let me show ya how to open the guns menu
F: cool
J: put your arrow on the gun some where and left click your mouse : see the blue menu?
F:yes it's there
J: i'll explain about the bullets... that's most important click bullets
F: ok
J: see em?
F: yes
J: great. phantom goes through walls, push
F: cool

J:pushes clowns REAL far away... i dont know what damage or training do! and back takes ya to the previouys menu[
F: ok
J: ignore closes the menue click back
F: k
J: click help to read up on guns in general... i'ttl give ya a note card... only thing else ya really need to know is click no safe before ya shoot somebody... to make sure ya get em!
F: ok
J: now one last thing : ya gun wont work in a place that is no push... or push restrict ed
F: ok : so where would i use this then
J: you can tell becaue beside the name at the top will be a hand with a red circle around it...
F: k
J: you can use it any whereh else. in most places ...
F: k well wait : did you need to do an interview or something, or it this it
J: oh this is it?
F: I mean is this it no interview?
J: well this kinda was the interview...
F: oh ok cool
J: you got to say stuff. ok ok...i'll ask ya some questions

jumpy givin' out weapons advice! & she listenin' real good!

F: well I appreciate all the free stuff
J: how'd ya hear about sl?
F: I heard about it through work
J: at work lol?
F: yeah to see how to build a business in here
J: so wha tsorta stuff do ya think you'll do here....
F: I'm a web designer
J: oh. yeah..... : it's all about business here!
F: it seems to be that way so what exactly are you into..
J: me .. im an sl pornograher... and skateboarder....
F: ah alright lol
J : we always treat the new people fairly.... so dont worry how you come off.
F: good to know

she ready to take over a small country!

F: well hey I appreciate the help
J: no problem! none at all...
if you're on line and bored... IM me! i'll drive ya nuts![ later....
F: lol thanks I will
J: np.
F: talk to you later jumpman, and thanks again
J: NP ... IM ME ANY TIME!
F: thanks I will :)
J: LOL :)

just waitin for somebody to say somethin' crazy! look at her rockin them kicks!

who is this avi part 1 by Jumpman Lane

Let me tell ya bout some ol crazy shit that happened to me! Well... since i started my baby Slut! magazine...a lot of ol fucked up shit has happened. Oldie turds in the second life forums want me to take up ballroom dancin... clowns have been tp in themselves into my suite at the galaxy (before them bitches banned me and booted me off the motherfuckin boat!) And lots of people have IMed me....

BUT...the craziest thing opf all was when i was mindin my business in the new Playboy sim...plottin on making a shiny, blingy cockring for my...cock....

When this bitch strolled and just started fuckin with the Jumpman

checkin out jumpy!

Now she strolls up and the first thing outta her mouth is "I know who you are but you don't know me!"... So "i'm like look bitch...everybody know me...I'm the god damn Jumpman!"

that was before i swung the camera around and got a good look at her...then I was like "Ohhh...shit!" cause the bitch looked good as hell!

And she was like "Yeah...i just wanted to get a good look at the god damn Jumpman!"

So Jumpy knew what time it was...he was a bout to get some trim...But that bitch wasn't havin it!

ho actin crazy as hell!!!

"SCREW! YOU?" then the bitch started doin that lil noobie laugh!!!!

"what the fuck ya come round here for then..." i asked the ho! (but i didn't call her any names!She looked too good) by then I had lurked over to her profile page...AND THE BITCH WAS OLD AS HELL! born in 2003...but that was all the info her profile gave up...it was blank!

I was like "bitch you old as hell...who are you?"

She said "Look you little shit....I know when i started playin SL!"

"FUCK, that? who the hell are you?"

"I know ya can't write but you can read can't?

I read her damn name...(it's ------ -------)

and on and on the hooker went, just fuckin with jumpy's mind and head! NOT coming off any details! Just slick mouthing it the whole god-damn time!

bitch havin a good time!

Then she started switch in up the wardrobe on jumpy....Wood go hard as a rock!

Jumpy needed to fuck something...

but the bitch wasn't comin off nothin!

kept askin if i liked her body..if i liked this outfit...liked that outfit...

i told her i'd LIKE to bend her lil narrow ass over on pink mohterfuckin pose ball...

Laughter was her only response!

fuckin with the god damn jumpman's head!

Laughter and a million motherfuckin outfits...shit they don't even make in the mfsl anymore...and all of it dick-hardening...The bitch was a psycho torturer... she broke jumpy down to jello!

broke out the pink string on jumpy!

now jumpy don't beg...but he did say PLEAZE!!!that's when the jump in Jumpy jumped back in it's square and Jumpy got his mind right.

Look lil hooker...you might not know...Jumpy dont hop for hoes, hoes hop for Jumpy!"

just goin' crazy as hell!

That's when I started runnin game, just slid right inside this hooker's head! and that head was full brim with meglomania, egomania, and hid deep hopefully NYMPHOMANIA! AND JUMPY KNOW HOW TO BRING IT OUT A HO!

jumpy usin' all his game to get this hoe's mind right!

http://www.slexchange.com/index.php

I told her i wanted to put her in my magazine...bring her out to the world...make her famous

So she started posing for pics...VANITY!!! Broke her slam down...she started voguin, posin, makin faces and some mo shit!

oh this bitch a motle!

Like a real live motherfuckin motle(thats model for all you slips!) things was goin good, things was lookin good, Jumpy could just feel this lil ho on the inside!!! Could sense a pussy-squeeze dead the fuck in my motherfuckin future! Then...

strikin poses and some mo shit!

Then.. this mother fucker showed up...my new hireling Bane Martinek... fresh from rumagin around in a freebie box or a dumpster or some the motherfuckin where...and he went monkey apeshit...There is something about this lil avi girl..that drives men wild! and when they see how old she is they really go nuts!...Even Jumpy had to fight through that shit! But I'm Jumpy Lane!

then this dumb motherfucker showed up!

Bane Martinek on the other hand aint nothing but a simple minded lil bitch!

Started beggin for kisses...started saying she was so beautiful...askin me if i thought she was beautiful...After i called him a million dumbmotherfuckers...and told him to edit that string of hair on the side of his head... I gave him a pair of nike shox in a box and sent him the fuck on! DUMB BITCH! He kicked up some dust!... made the road hot!

lookin real weak beggin for a kiss!

thinkin bout that crazy line of shit jumpy runnin!

Once he left... I really started in on the ho!...tellin her the whole world need to see that hot little bod..NUDE... and only JL could serve it up to them, professional-manner-like in the way only a lil hottie like she could , SHOULD deserve! she thought about that shit... and god damnit... you know how it turned out...MOTHERFUCKER, I'M JUMPY LANE!

will jumpy win the day?

checkin up on travissi! by Bane Martinek

god damn...i say! god! damn!

Where, O where has this little noobie gone? We hope he's not dead! Nodody better had killed our bosses' favorite noob....No one has him since he coped those nike shox in a box and poof tped out of the bosses' sight! He's probably somewhere trying to get that damn box open! If you see him...please help him! Everyone at Slut! magazine would be most appreciative!

dokan dryssen exposed shot by Bane Martinek

"Save ya eyes...look at some pics...check out this very hot girl...and she's smart ass all get out too...keep ya eyes peeled...more on this one later! You can say ya saw her naked here when she's famous!"...J. Lane

doki!

Dokan dances mostly at The Lucky Dollar

She is an incredible builder (check out her new martini glass ice bar)

and if ya can afford her one hell of an escort!

gettin ready to break it down for jumpy lane

for the love of jumpy!

oh the wonders of wind light!

oh i love this girl!!!!

jumpy lane's insane sex tour by Jumpman Lane

Lookin for SL LUV!

Now the idea for this article was a simple little search by me! (the goddamn Jumpman) to find great lil places to scam some smokin ass hoes and get my stunt cock hoppin and hot all in some ho's ass! But every where I went , I ran ito some sad lil ho with a sad lil story about how some lame-fuck pervy round-shitball turd, fucked them over to the point they ain't trying to SL-fuck anymore! I even ran into a turd or two my god damn self...lil slip-rock ass pervy circus-clowns tryin to fuck up the Jumpman's pussy! Jumpy aint havin that bull shit!

look at this weird motherfucker!

Like this silly Frodo Baggins lookin simple ass motherfucker I rolled up on lookin for that split between a ho's legs down in Hard Alley! Now this motherfucker had fo hoes he had total mind control over...the bitches had just finished rping like that were lickin his dirty body clean, down in a fuckin sewer...

he got mind control on these busted ass hoes!

That's when I started lookin at this dumb motherfucker real close...he looked just like that dude went around murderin and eatin hoes in Sin City... I knew this fuck-tard was crazy then!
he thanked these hoes..he called em his pets...for cleanin him up...and that's when I started talkin shit!

oh we arguin' like hell!

we argued like motherfuck it the world comin to an end! i called this fool ever kind of simple silly lunatic trick i could think of...and then some mo shit!... his lil hooker-pets tried to defend him.

i told them silly slits to slide the fuck back under the dumpster they rolled out the fuck from under! it got real hot real fast down in that damn alley! Then that motherfucker shot me before i could get to the menu of my Carducci Powered dual Uzis... I got stuck in the god damn ceilin... had to tp out that bitch!

oh he switched it up! he look like god damn michael jackson now!

i went back a couple of days later... all this shit forgot..still just tryin to get my knob polished or somethin...but who the motherfuck should i see but this same silly motherfucker holdin down the same motherfuckin spot! i guess he looked too weak the last time we argued cause he had lost about three hoes... only had one pet left! And he had switched ALL his shit up! That motherfucker the King of Slop! He look just like god damn crazy ass Michael Jackson! This foool must be French! His name is Govi or some such shit! IM all of them and ask this fool what kind of ol bullshit time he is on!!!!

got this hoe right!

Damn... just down to one last ho! jumpy brought the bright light of day down into that dark alley with him...Shin ed and glowed on these motherfuckers...Hoes evaporated left and right...let's have a monment of silence for the weak and bewildered...Damn...get ya self together G!

NEXT, STILL TRYING TO GET FUCKED!

I looked up Candy!

she's a neko!

Now this lil Neko, Candy Flossberg, Jumpy, just wanted to blow her lil back out...She's a Neko and Jumpy ain't into beastiality, but she only got some ears and a lil tail...(Jumpy grab that lil tail, twist it up in his fist and WAX THAT ASS!)

goin through changes...

BUT NO! Pussy got all fucked up by some lil psycho-fuck done hit the bitch in the head with a mental cinder-block! Went through her pocketbook as it were...So Jumpy had to philosophize with the mently-mugged ho! PEEP THIS!

J: now i met you on myspace... and had to see ya in world cause your avi is so hot
C: yup lol
J: but u said u didnt want any fakers or haters or some shit.... what did ya mean?
F: no ppl who will screw me over, such as b my partner and then send me a email saying the partnership is over before even telling me about, shit like that
J: your ol bf broke up with ya in a email?
C: it wasnt even a email but when u end a partnership, u get a email from SL saying that ur partner wants to "part ways" and all he said to me as his last words in that email was "good luck" and me and him where to b engaged and everything
J: you gotta be shittin me.....
C: nope
J: you mean all ya got was an official Linden lab note and "good luck"
C: yup
J: that is crazy
C: and then him being w/ this other girl named Katie, the next day practically and him telling me that she is perfect in RL and SL and that i am just what he knows he can get... yup
Jumpman Lane: what? so this guy had a new girl immediately....
C: yeah
J: how did ya MEET this guy
C:thats why he left me was for her...he was a noob, at my strip club, im a nice girl and so i decided to help him out, i spent over 1k on him and made over his avi to where he was HOTT and of course now that he has money (payment info used) and hes hott all the girls want him now when they never gave me a 2nd glance before, unlike me of course who helped him and got fucked over in the end
J: he was a what!
C: NOOB... like he was UGLY! and a bad one at that
J: a nood ya helped up from the very pit of shitdom! damn.....
C: yup lol
J: you got his avi right 4 him....dressed him....
C: yeah picked his shape and skin, jewelry everything
J: and he dumped ya just as soon as he got iit goin on.....
C: yeah basically
J: mother fuckin' fuck , well at least he didn't change his mind, realize you were gold and start to stalk ya!
C: um he kinda has
J: WHAT!

jumpy gotta comfort her!

C: he has repeatedly start talking to me, saying he wants me back like 5 times now, and then he ends up changing his mind or says something offensive to me and we stop talking again
J: what did you see in this dude... i mean if he was a butt ugly noob...?
C: recently he made up a whole new avi and pretended it was him, but i could tell, later he admitted it was him finally and said how much he misses me, how i was right about everything, how one girl hacked into his account and deleted his inventory bc she was mad she couldnt b w/ him rl and NOW I HEAR THAT they are engaged IRL! i dont KNOW, i didnt mean to date him just meant to help him but he was really clingy fast in the begining and so we started dating got engaged
J: sl clingy!!!!
C: and then after the engaged part shit started goin downhill... yup leaving me tons of IMs when i wasnt online comments on myspace saying how much he loved me
J: he fell in love , got possessive, dumped you for some other chick THAT' HE'S GONNA MARRY RL ... this guys crazy...
C: no he dumped that girl or she dumped him this chick hes gunna marry is a couple girls down the line
J: he dumped her too!
C: the first one Katie dumped him
J: what kinda small time shit bag turd is this tool?

sl shit bags fuckin with sweet lil neko's (not jumpy, sliprocks!)

C: then he got together with this other girl Ashleigh and was cheating on her alot, w/ me too actually lol and she found out, dumped him
J: we can't mention no whole lotta names, girl....
C: they got back together then she dumped him again or he dumped her i dunno
J: but you tell me who he is and i gotta track this fool down...
C: now they arent together on SL but are together iRL? and gunna get married soon, which makes no sense, and this was the girl who deleted his inventory bc she couldnt b w/ him RL
J: i gotta meet somebody whoi thinks sl is the dating game....
C: o lord theres tons of them... lol
J: and that he's some Johnny Depp heart-breaking splooge drop! I mean i'm crazy, Ilike meetin' hoes, ...I mean girls
C: lol
J: but i aint trying to sl marrying em and dump em and crazy shit like that! ZI mean hang out with the jumpman... act crazy as ya want....
C: im actually best friends w/ his RL friend, on SL and she says hes a real loser iRL, that hes scrawny and can never get girls and is missing all his front teeth due to drugs
J: but i dont have time for mind games like that... i GOTTA fix my inventory!!!!
C: he actually tried commiting sucide over SL, i was talking to his RL brother about it
J: so you made him in to a sl loverboy....
C: yup
J: he tried to hang his self! blow his brains out?
C: overdosed on drugs
J: oh you shittin candy.WHY?
C: and then got into some drunken car accident too...over SL shit i guess... and some rl stuff... he had it in his profile on SL
J: oh... he a small time her ron junky!
C: and i thought it was a joke untill i talked to his rl brother about it who said how kiibz was in the hostpital for overdosing on drugs
J: he had the reason why he was gonna kill himself in his profile?
C: yeah
J: oph his brother!
C: he said a mixture of RL and Sl shit ... yeah
J: a mixture of rl and sl shit.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLO!
C: his brother has tried to get him to delete SL but kiibz went crazy and started trying to beat him up, even tho his brother is way bigger then him... yup lol
J: ooh he ain't givin up sl.... he orlando bloomin it all trough this motherfucker

jumpy make's the whole god damn world better!

C: lmao yano it
J: got sexy hoes goin crazy over the avi YOU created! I mean does it make ya mad or fell sorry for the shit stain?
C: yup so really they are goin crazy over me lol I used to b really mad but now i dont really care im over it. i do feel bad for him tho.bc hes not headed ne where in his rl
J: but do ya feel sorry for him?
C: yeah i do. but alot of what i feel sorry for, hes created himself in his own life
J: would you sit down with him in some later issue with me... stage an intervention....
C: lmao, i doubt he would, and i wouldnt really care too either. but i guess if he was down id do it
J: save this sad silly clown from detroying his second and first lives by acting like dirty-kneed crack hooker turd
C: lmao, i love ur names
J: i feel like you...wantin to help the sad sack of shit....
C: i know... it is sad

Please join us for a test drive at the "Road House"
in Weederman
http://slurl.com/secondlife/weederman/87/52/49/?title=RoadHouse

had to help susie voom out with a diff prob.

she got all twistesd up with some retread tire that likes to roll around in a dragon avi, preyin on simple-minded lil hoes... he woosh tp's em back to his lil patch of shit-turd clogged stool of some land or castle or whatever the fuck...FUCK EM... and the whole time recitin a dirty laundrey list of all the shit he owns...

now jumpy had to help this one in a special way!

Now through out this dead fuck of a bang with this Dragonorr toad!, ol suze organized her inventory, even down to gettin her notecards and landmarks right! finally she had to tp away in the middle of his shit... to find some real luv!!!!

so naturally she showed up at my suite aboard the ss galaxy (which I had AGAIN to those shit heels banned me!) Bitch got naked, like quick!

mrmfmlmrflfmlr

i had to talk this ho down from commiting SL-suicide from the bad sex she had been havin, all with her pussy in my mouth!

Jumpy ain't got but one shoe on!

she had me so twisted from her sad tale, that i couldn't even get my other jordon off... i mean where do these guys come from...this fool spent good money on some land, so he could walk around dressed up like a dungeons and dragons playin tool, and try to scam on innocent lil hoes, then don't even fuck em right...Shit, Jumpy can't get every hooker in the MFSL back on point...
so all you my Slut mag readers must accost, chastize and interrogate every astronomy club, dragon-dressed table-top RPG slip ya see... find out what they are doin and why...
and help em get their SL-hump right....OR ORBIT THEM!...shit...makin them fly might be easier!

jumpy had to make love!!!

At this point, I realized last month , that there are truly people in the SL lookin for LOVE and not just a quick fuck!... People do get married here ya know...(I didnt). The trouble with most of the kooks and weirdos in the MFSL is that they attach real feelings to their sad lil antics online...and it's easy to do, since you're dealin with real people and not crappy video game AI.

They make hoes their SL girlfriend, move in with them, marry them , and then stalk them...all relivin some sad slice of their everyday rl lives as shitty, shitty shitballs! i swore that would never be me....then i og an IM from someone I didn't know...or rather couldn't remember Emmy!

all about the one that got away

the one that got away!

Now, I always answer my IM's and IM people when I can't come to their TP's. I was busy so i told her i couldn't come...a bunch of times... but she kept sending me TP's so finally i went.
it was a tp to her wedding ...and i had just missed it!

nekos in luv!

Now let me tell ya how i met Emmy. I was talkin in spanish to this chick (Zilk, who i never talked to since...cause i meet so many girls) when Emmy walked upp..She was long and tall with long, dark hair...put ya right in the mind of Gabrielle Reese...
I thought " O fuck this chick is hot, and silently thanked all my former spanish teachers for givin me the abitity to spit some lines at this doll...

smooth as all fuck!

well she left and i never saw her again to this wedding of hers...never had her. i met her husband and he seemed real cool.. i snapped these picks ...cause you can't hate on luv...but Jumpy wonders...

can't hate on love!

What sort of wending, winding soap opera love story is gonna unfold in the MFSL between these too? I ainn't gonna stalk them... but I'm gonna keep my eyes peeled! And let all you readers know if this neko in all white breaks my Gabby Reeses's heart!

he rocked the hell outta that all white!

and a final note to all you pervy tards fucckin with hoes...ya fucked up , my pussy and my tour! I aint gonna let this shit lie, or laty, or whatever the fuck ever... I'm stating a new monthly section of the mag called Perv Watch! look for ya pic...fuck-tard!

Sole Jie, mariposa shot by Bane Martinek

Enjoy these pics of one the boss loves (and will prob. someday stalk and make his own Perv Watch alert) and keep in mind...she comes with a warning... if you are and oldie cornball, you'll fall in love and want to marry her...she is a keeper!

now i told ya motherfuckers she liked to dress up as a butterfly!

a lot!

in her fav spot! in her fav butterfly wings!

lemon drop butterfly!

who is that avi part 2 by Jumpman Lane

So what was the end result of Jumpman Lane's hard-layed down, shit talk in game!...Well...that's a surprise!...but first off a treat. I, the great god damn Jumpman, conceived of (and convinced this hottie to do ) this layout for all you undeserving hardly literate, picture droolers... ENJOY....

but i still aint tellin ya who this avi is...Not yet!

the dangerous one!

ya'll dumb motherfuckers don't deserve shit like this!

she been doin this long before ya heard of second life!

who is this ho

some ol professional shit!

i don't even know who this is!!!!!!

but ya know jumpy got her outta them drawls

need to climb in that back seat!

fuck that damn car!...i want the hoe!

man look at that shit!

simply iconic!

kimber, dance executive

This month as the feature interview we have a special treat, Kimber Martinek, the manager of the Temple XXX, one of my fav clubs...I just love floatin' nude in their pool...And you fuck-wads know what a manager is...somebody who usually sends jumpy orbiting and wonderin what the fuck he did this time...So come on ya panzy panty liners...let's slip right inside Kimber's head!

smokin!

J: so kimber... where all do you dance!
K: I dance at the temple XXX right now, but have another club in the works called Club celestrial

J: You about to open the celestrial?

K: Hopefully in the next 2 weeks

J: Am i spelling that right...

K: Yes

J: Want all the readers to know what to look for!

K: Lol yes

J: After lurking on your profile page I understand you manage as well as dance at the Templexxx . That right?

K: Hahahaha Yes I do

J: What all does management of a club involve ... other than ban/ejecting clowns like me!

K: Well I have only had to eject so far, lol no banning. But you need to keep things running smooth keep an eye on the girls and keep cutomers in line. You have to be there alot. But I love it.

J: Well when they send me flyin...usually I can't come back lol!

K: lol

J: What do ya mean keep an eye on the girls?

K: Thats when the ban comes in..you need to behave :-) Watch out for them, make sure they are doing their part to keep customers happy and not being harassed

J: oh... does the temple have escorts?

K: yes they do

J: but you're not one, why?

K: No I just dance and manage. Nothing against it, I just like to say who and when , lol

J: oh... no randoms lol!

K: lol... Thats right, maybe a little control...not to say that couldnt change some time...

and guess what!

J: I mean that's cool... and you HATE drama? Why?

K: Hate drama..I am here to have fun, not here about bullshit that doens t matter

J: Say that two times...

K: lol

J: But have ya had your share of wierdo-guys dumpin sl/rl probs at your feet?

K: oh ya... i think all the women here have

J: that's sort of the theme of this issue..

K: great

J: just girls and their tales of sad weird pervy dudes!
K: well I wont name any names, but one wanted me to come marry him in rl

J: i hear that A LOT!

K: hhahahaha , I was like OMG

J: I THIK GUYS THAT PROPOSE LIKE THAT ARE SERIAL KILLERS! lol

K: oh geez i hope not... haha I am staying here

J: I don't wanna get married sl much less rl with some chick i just met lol!

K: I used to have a rl pic on my profile..Don't do IT!
J: But ya do remind me of a young kim basinger lol! I MIGHT GO CRAZY AND PROPOSE!
K: lmao..aww ty hun

and you KNOW she knows how to dance

J: lol! but kim... tell me some about the celestrial!

K Its HUGE...dancefloor...dj's

J: what kind of place are u hopin to build exactly

K: Events and strippers of course. It also will have lap dances escorts. Oh its built its based on the planets and stars, pretty cool.

J: what kind of music are you planning... I love the temple's
K: Like Temples

J: I used to come just to float in the pool and listen to the muzak at Temple XXX...when I had more sl time!

K: Cool... and Celestial and dj a few nights a week.

J: That's great! and i luv the contests

K: Me too, brings crowds in. You will have to stop by and see it soon.

J: You know I'll be there!

K: hell Ya! We are still hiring people

J: JUST MAKE SURE YOUR STAFF KNOWS I GET A LIL CRAZY SOMETIMES AND NOT TO BAN ME!

K: Hahaha I am manager there too..be nice to me

J: You know i am!!!!

K: Hahaha

J: You know the last party we wer e at i got banned 5 min after ya left!

K: Yes you told me! LOL

J: and I LIVED THERE

look at that ass!!!

K: Thats pretty bad... ok this dude i am with is calling me a tease

J: But why is he callin ya a tease?

K: Ya know...good question

J: lol

K: lol

J: He couldnt afford ya anyway!

K: lol

J: you seem to have expensive tastes...

K: Dancer not escort remember lol.. i do

J: lol

K: But i got it all myself baby

J: and ya still haven't givin me a tour of your house!

K: come see...you'll freak

J: i wanna see it! next month we show the WORLD!

K: ok hun we'll do it

and she broke it down at that party

Just like all the exigies of life, business changes at the speed of light in the MFSL. The Celestrial or the Celestial, whatever they plan on calling it has been postponed until mid July. I got back with Kimber to check up on all the details

look just like a hot young kim basinger!

J: what's the name of the new club again...club celestial or club celestrial?

K: She deleted it!

J: NO!!!!!!!! The club!

K: she just did it this am

J: so there is not gonna be a club?

K: yes but dont know name

J: oh that's ok then...

K: it sucks

J: why does it suck?

K: cause she closed it.. wasn't opened I spent alot of time on it

J: Is she gonna reopen it?

K: yes

J: oh...

K: maybe by end of july

J: oh...

ask a slut...or rather ask nomads

by nomads dagger

sittin with that tool my boss!

from Waterfalzz Extraordinaire

[Do you] think that by removing the sexual aspect of second life, do [you] still believe it would thrive as much as it does today ?

nomads answers

NO! cause I definitely would not be here and neither would a lot of people...Phil Linden himself said ath the philantropy discussion that SL was an open space...like the internet as a whole...and people would be free to create ss the liked! Jumpman certaily breathed a sigh of relief...the little shit was NERVOUS! NEXT QUESTION!

from Nikolas Ireton

so, what do you want from me apart from sex?

Nomad's answer

NOTHING! ...I AM a slut... and look at this guy's pic! Damn right I meant it! The guy's got a great sense of humor...what more could a gal want?...oh yeah...a cock....told him to look me up when he got one!

what in the fuckin hell?!?!?

who is that avi part 3 by Jumpman Lane

JUMPY LANE'S INSANE ORGY PARTY!!!

Well Jumpy know what he doin, square biz...you know how things went from here...but I wonder if you, O ye my btohers and gentelest of readers, deserve to see what happended next OF COURSE YOU DON'T DESERVE IT BUT I'LL LET YA SEE THIS AVI GET WORKED BY THE JUMP JUMP JUMP JUMPY WOOD NEXT MONTH! In the mean time... if ya can't wait, or wanna try you hand with this ho! Swing by the slurl and give it a shot! June 30th startin at 3:00 pm SL time. PARTY AT HER HOUSE!

now ya know i had to make love to this one!

Slut Magazine and The Lucky Dollar are throwing a huge orgy and this chicks house...with a DJ, random prizes,strippers, pose ball sex like ya never had before, and 1000L$ to the motherfucker cooler than Jumpy Lane (guess that's best male) and 1000L$ to the ho Jumpy need to fuck!(best female I suppose) also 1L$ each to the best looking avi male and female born before 2007 in a ballroom dress

finally got her mind right!

so be there bitches or be fuckin dead!!!! Oh... and who was this avi?....come see for yourself!
get here like ya been sent here!
cause i'm jumpy ya silly bitches!

Fuck it, that bitch got scared as hell, thought all you profile page lurkers would stalk the fuck outta her lil narrow ass!!!!

Bitch bailed! Ain't no mo motherfuckin party! jumpy mad as hell! Wanna blow up the whole god damn world! Jumpy gonna get his own land!

Join Me! at three sl time in the sandbox where we a re contructin Slut Tower! Future local of a whole lotta freaky parties!!!!!

aint no music, ain't no dj, aint no free prizes, ain't no strippers!

just one mad motherfuckin Jumpy...so ya better bring ya gunz!!!! oh and a fat pink pig sploder! feed the motherfucker or shoot it...i dont give a fuck!

since i got 2000L$ to blow, i'm givin 100L$ to the first 20 motherfuckers there?

you didn't get any money fuck you! shoot me! ya dumb ass was late!

and bring ya pose balls!!!! jumpy's dick get's hard as a rock when he is mad! It's mad too!

look on my profile page under picks and orgy and follow the teleport!

be forewarned...ya better be armed! or naked...or both!

contest:by Slut magazine its damn self!!

got a whole lotta these to give out!

Ok, tards, check it out! More free shit! More Nike shox in a box for your bitch asses! (I got an infinite supply!) The new contest is this! Find that motherfucker Travisii Bade...we dont know where the fuck he is...since that mystical, magical day the god damn Jumpman took a moment of his very, PRICELESS time to lend a helpin hand to the turd...

the turd done hopped into a stool and flushed his self.. that or he's hidin his online status... sot he contest is this...snap a pic of this fool and send it in to slutmagazine@yahoo.com

and get your feet right!

ol Suze won snappin a pic of ol weirdos fuckin in a mall!

Susie Voom is the winner of last month's contest..and won among other things THIS box of Nike Shox (cause she was being diff and hated the white/red), and her pic with Jumpy!

slide on that pose ball beeyotch!

The winning shot was what I like to think of as anticipation! This guy is just waitin for a hoe to get his dick right! That pink pose ball in on the tip of his dick! Just waitin for a ho to ho-hop on it! Thanx for all the submissions...You didn't win? It's cause your fuckin picture sucked , ya moron!...keep snappin snaps ya lame fucks!

notices:

I'm gettin my own god damn land! why, search in the second life forums forJumpman Lane and read all the shit i got from oldie turds when all i wanted was to simply announce my little mag!

The same mentality, sanctimonius oldie scum hatin on a man on the rise..led me to the conclusion that Jumpy MUST have his own ground to walk upon!

got me thinkin bout shit!

I was at a crappy oldie party aboard the SS Galaxy (where I used to lay my head, when some clown said some ol crazy shit about a Black Flag song (rise above). he said : O, god not another rock song. all i said was "it's punk, you moron". Logged off, and 2 hours later logged back on, and ended up in a korean sim with all my shit packed tight into one prim in my lost and found! BANNED! by some simple silly bitches. Arkady, some such-runny -diariiah turd was the flunky stooge who did the banning!... but i don't give a shit! but if ya run into the Architect, that bitch owe me $650, linden! tell him I want my god damn gwop(that's money to all the various slips in the MFSL)

look at this dumb motherfucker!

I sent my ace reporter Bane the Bitch martinek in there to get answers, lil bitch bitched up and got scared! didn't come back with shit...dumb mother fucker!

Fuck it ! We blew the deadline...everybody actin crazy ...make me want to put a foot in their ass!

keep checkin back for updates and welcome to the motherfuckin SL, Bitch!

CHECK OUT THE LINKS

we just added one...the SL Brandi Linquist Chronicles...she freaky!...but watch out all you slut magazine lurkers stalkin jumpy's hoes...Brandi got sometin make ya say ho! ho! na, na ,na ,na....na,na,na, na....make ya say what is that thing? DON' PUT THAT THERE!...Put that thing up! And check out her forums! Jumpy Lane actin crazy ass hell in that shit!

coming next month

"The Price is WRONG, bitch" so says Vila Boucher...a dancer who REFUSES to escort! :(
What the fuck happened at THAT party

Perv Alert!

Brandi L!...brought out for ya asses...bitches!

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS!!! I GOT A OL BITCH IN THERE CRYIN LIKE AN OL HO! A FREE BOX OF NIKE SHOX TO YA IF YA CAN GUESS WHO IT IS!

Volume 1: Issue 1

2007-05-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

email ANYTHING to slutmagazine@yahoo.com

contents:

interview with a noob
super hot Sole!!!
feature interview: "Dokan, dancer"
column: ask a slut...or rather ask Nomads
contest! (win something bitches!)
notices
coming next month!

letter from the editor

If you don't know by now...I'm the god damn jumpman bitches...and yes...I got plenty of bitches with me...come with me as we venture RIGHT INSIDE SOME HOES' HEADS! I promoise you it's a delight! I'm gonna lead ya into some of the, scuzziest, sleaziest places in all of Second Life. I'm gonna introduce you and the world to some of the HOTTEST BABES, take ya to the coolest parties, and and let you watch ME stun and shine and glow how only JUMPY LANE can!

Come on bitches...it's time!

INTERVIEW WITH A NOOB! by Jumpman Lane

That's Jumpy in some trim...DAY ONE!

Now, I was a pretty cool Noob, lil' psycho...but I had a heart of gold. Now it took me exaclty one hour to find a cock (got a free one off the wall in some free sex area!). After that I started fuckin' these hoes! Well.... it was like magic. I'd show up somewhere, talk crazy to some lil' flip-a-dick-hooker-trick and before ya knew it, Jumpy WAS IN A HOLE! It had to be the cock...

SO...in the spirit of charity, and IMMENSE genorosity...I decided to teleport down to the Second Life Welcome Area, and bestow upon some COMPLETELY undeserving noob my lucky first S.L. cock, and a brand new pair of Nike Shox in a box. (Like he's gonna be able to open them any time soon!).

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED!

ace reporter, bitches!

Tp'd in easy enough...lag wasn't such a problem....then I started hunting for an English speaking Noob. Now that wasn't going to be as easy as I'd thought ...

a real live turd-ball...

Now this BAG-OF-TURD'S name is John Beck or some such shit... I tried to talk to his goofy ass (the Lindens must really have a sense of humor callin this avatar "city chic" they shoulda called it "REALLY-suckered-some-clown-into-looking-like-this). This is what went on with the fuckin' tool!

ME: HEY JOHN? YA SPEAK ENGLISH?

JOHN: (NOTHING)

ME: DUDE...DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

JOHN: (NOTHING STILL...)

ME: JOHN, YOU DEAF HUMP!

JOHN: (NOTHING EVEN NOW)

ME: DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH OR NOT!

JOHN: (STILL LOOKIN' CRAZY ASS HELL, BUT SAYING NOTHING)

ME: (AS I WALK AWAY) YOU FUCKIN' TOOL!

So I went the fuck on, still steady lookin' 'til I ran into this guy. TRAVISII BADE.

our chosen noob

Things went a lot smoother, with this guy...HE COULD ACTUALLY SPEAK...and English too no less!

Kickin the bobo with Travisii...

ME: HEY, TRAVISSI, YA SPEAK ENGLISH?

T: YES.

ME: GREAT...I'M DOING AN INTERVIEW FOR MY MAGAZINE. I WANNA TALK TO A GUY WHO JUST STARTED SECOND LIFE. FOR YA TIME, I'M GIVING AWAY A FREE PAIR OF NIKE SHOX...

T: OK.

ME: AND MY LUCKY NEWBIE COCK...

T: KK

ME: HOW DID YA HEAR ABOUT SECOND LIFE?

T: FROM A FRIEND.

ME: HOW LONG YA BEEN AWAY FROM THE TUTORIAL PART?

T: ABOUT A DAY.

ME: OH, SO YOU'RE NOT A NEWBIE NOOB...

T: PRETTY NEW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HALF THE TIME...

ME: WHAT DO YA DO HERE? I MEAN WHERE DO YA LIKE TO GO?

T: WHEREEVER, I AM STILL TRYING TO LOOK AROUND.

ME: DO YA MOSTLY LIKE PG OR MATURE SIMS?

T: I HAVEN'T REALLY GONE ANYWHERE...

ME: SO YA HAVEN'T HAD SL-SEX YET?

T: NOPE!

ME: WELL YOU'RE GONNA NEED THE COCK! LOL

T: LOL! OK.

ME: I'M GONNA GIVE YA SOME LANDMARKS TO GET YA STARTED: BUT' FIRST, HAVE YA BEEN ANYWHERE? OR JUST HERE?

T: I LOGGED IN AND IT BOOTED ME HERE.

ME: YA NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE ELSE?

T: NOPE!

ME: ANYWHERE?...YOU'RE SHITTING ME!

this is where the whole spirit of this endeavor changed from a somewhat mean-spirited lark...to a genuine desire to help some poor newbie!

ME: HANG ON... I'M GONNA TAKE YA TO ONE PLACE...

T: OK

WOOOOSH!!!!

(that's the TP sound)

ME: THIS IS A STRIP CLUB. CHECK OUT THE DANCER...SHE MUST BE DEAF...

T: WOW...

ME: COME ON...THESE ARE FREE SEX AREAS...OVER HERE. SEE... LOOK AT THEM!

(WATCHING PEOPLE HUMP SL-STYLE!)

ME: NOW WITH THAT NEW COCK I GAVE YA, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO BANG HALF THE CHICKS IN S.L.!

T: THANKS!

(AND THEN I LEFT HIM).

some sliprock humping the ground

We'll be checking in on lil Travisii from time to time, to see exactly what effect 5 minutes of the Jumpman's time can do to a fresh, unformed mind. Was Travissii scarred for life? Will he emerge as something truly cool, or flop into the second life of a tool... viddy well oh ye, my brothers...viddy well...

it's SOLE, bitches!!!

and no! you don't deserve her....

iconic!!!

Sole Jie is an exotic dancer.

She does double duty, performing at

the Oar Club and The Lucky Dollar.

She's Spanish, and speaks English too.

Search it all up...

if she's on line...

drop in and say hey...

thats my yacht too, tricks!!!!

Sole loves: shopping, ball room dancing, and dressing up like a butter fly!

her favorite color: blue

her favorate pet: cats!

her fav spot in all Second life: Acropoli Gardens in Agiea

if she ruled the world: she would finish all wars

What she thinks about Jumpman Lane!: I quote: "Ohhhhh! My sweety Jump! I like him! I love him! Jaja (ha ha in English). He is one of the most surprising people I've ever known. He is a surprise box....

hands high to the sky get 'em up.....

IN HER OWN WORDS: i love the sl!!!!!

get 'em up, get 'em up, get 'em up, get 'em up, get 'em up, get 'em up!

there's worse ways to spend a sunny sl day...

and that's SOLE!!!!!

dokan dryssen, dancer interviewed by Jumpman Lane

our feature interview with the actual hottest girl in all the mf S.L.

me and ol' girl at one of lil carducci's parties...

Now this hot lil' number's name is Dokan. She's Greek...a great lil pal of mine. She works alongside Sole Jie, dancing at The Oar Club and The Lucky Dollar. The first day I met her, she was working at some other club....forget the name... After about 10 minutes of talkin' the craziest Jumpman-smack in all the motherfuckin' Second Life (the mf SL for the tards and various slips...) I got this girl banned for 72 hours from there. Naturally, she blanked and up and quit on those bastards, and stole my heart in the process...

here she is...

ME: Where all do you dance?

D: Temple xxx, The Oar House, and the Lucky Dollar.

ME: Now you are the most beautiful avi Ihave ever seen...

D: Mmmm...are you sure?

ME: Yep! Way better than that Callie Cline chick...How long did it take you from when you were a noobie to get like that?

D: A month more or less...

ME: that's not bad...so do you escort?

i believe in miracles...

D: Sometimes. If the customer is generous and asks for my services.

ME: Once, you promised me a lesbian show... when are ya gonna?

D: When me and Sole have some free time.

ME: Lol...I'm gonna change my name to lucky!

D: Why? Lucky Jump?

ME: NO..REAL lucky!

i'm sprung!

D: Yes, you are very lucky...Ha ha . A man asked me if I would watch him nude on webcam...he is crazy...

ME: That's creepy! Are there men as an escort you refuse to deal with?

D: I said to him, I will if he will pay me to let me see him...

ME: Guess that answers the question lol!

D: He wanted me to pay him.

ME: Did you pay him? I hope you didn't

D: Sure I didn't...I told him my rates. He shut up. Wordless. :)

ME: Yeah...as I recall you are pretty expensive...lol

D: But I'm the best.

ME: You sure are...I wasn't wordless when you told me your rates... I tried to talk you down. Didn't work...

D: My motto is take it or leave it...

ME: Nice motto... It really works...

D: I want it all and i want it now!

and that's my girl DOKAN!!!

ask a slut...or rather ask nomads column by nomads Dagger

First off, a little about me... I AM NOT A SLUT...really I'm not...but SL sex ROCKS. If I should ever be allowed in one of those nice nude layouts with panoramic views sans the gosh darn Jumpman...I'll tell you, O' glorious readers what I really think of that little shit my boss...but I truly digress...FIRST QUESTION!

From Bane Martinek:

I heard there was some guy running around Abusers and Victims calling himself the Sniffy-Sniffy Man, saying he was from Pakistan and wanting to sniff American girls' butts...His name was nomads too...was that you? Have you had a sex change... Oh, and can I have a job at Slut Magazine...I've been camping all day and I only have 16L$

Nomads answer:

Listen you piece of shit! I've never been to that pervy Abusers and Victims even once (though Jumpman practically lives there!!!)...don't know WHO the Sniffy-Sniffy Man from Pakistan is...and really LOOK AT THESE TITS...do I look like a fuckin' man to you!...And if you'd like a job here ask Jumpman...he loves smalltime pea-brained limp dicks like you...makes him feel like a genius! NEXT QUESTION!

From the Sniffy-Sniffy Man:

Normads...can I sniffy sniffy your buttocks cheeks...?

Nomads' answer:

NEXT QUESTION!

From Bailey Staheli:
When is he [Jumpman Lane] gonna kill himself? And what is the meaning of life?

Nomads' answer:
Jumpman is definitely crazy! I'll attest to that!...but hardly suicidal. I fear we shall be plauged by his banalities for quite some time...or so HE'LL understand...the god damn Jumpman is a loony-loon-loon...but he ain't goin' no where anytime soon! As for the meaning of life...loving a man, pleasing a man, cooking great things and feeding a man, and giving him children...oh god...I just channeled Martha Stewart...NEXT QUESTION!

From Daeynaries Lane:

Why do some men think they can just snap their fingers and women will do whatever they want?

Nomads' answer:

because at some point (while horny no doubt) we were weak and gave in to the little shits desires, I mean it wasn't MY idea to give that guy a blowjob in the Wal-Mart parking lot that time...oh hell! NEXT QUESTION!

From dawn Katscher:

How can you take someone seriously who runs around with a whip and his dick hanging out...

Nomads' answer:

(another question in reference to our illustrious boss) Well as long as the shitbag doesn't refer to himself in the third person as the god damn ANYTHING and sometimes clicks on you and clicks pay...you don't have to take him seriously at all..

just do it bitches!!!!...always been my motto too...

contest!!! by Slut Magazine it's damn self!

win something bitches!!!

I'm giving out this box of nice white and red pair of Nike Shox to whoever sends in the hottest pic of some SL fucking...and I don't want any photos of any celebs unless they got their drawls off...and if you're lucky enough to be fucking a Linden send it in we might just blackmail 'em!!!
(THAT IS A JOKE MR. LINDENS...MA'AMS-SIR!!!)..but seriously you cheap fucks, email your SL name and the photo to this email address slutmagazine@yahoo.com (or use the nifty email tab in my full profile here at Slut Magazine). A winner will be chosen next month for the July issue. All entries must be received by June 25th. the winner get's the shoes, his winning pic printed, and a picture of them and me and the box of shoes in the next ish...good luck ya bastards!

coming next month!

she NUDE ya'll!!!

Dokan Exposed (that's NUDE you simple clowns)
Letters from our (literate) Readers (so send some in)
Jumpy Lane's Insane Sex Tour
Feature Interview with a Closet Nympho
A check up on our Lucky Noob Travissii
The Linden "Broadly Offensive" Blog (actual NEWS!)
Interview with an Oldie!!!
WHO IS THAT AVI!?!?!

last words!!!

They shut down Abusers and Victims...that's where I was gonna start JUMPY LANE'S INSANE SEX TOUR!!!! Guess I'll go ballroom dancing instead!!!

All you crack-pot censors forming groups to report "broadly offensive behavior" we'll be watching you...Slut! magazine will not tolerate censors-around-every-corner...not in the land of the free, the home of the brave, or Second Life either!!!! You bitch you!

i'm having a party!!!! we're gonna do some ol' freaky triple x shit hid-deep in some private property...and all you mother-fuckers are invited! look out for it...all the details'll be in the next ish...keep ya eyes open before ya get run the fuck over!!!!!